Guest Post: Letting Go of the "Why Me?"’s

Today’s post is graciously brought to you by JessieLeigh.

When my little girl arrived in the world at only 24 weeks gestation, I was shocked. I was scared. Terrified, really. And worried. I sat in stunned disbelief and fretted about her chances.

And then I got mad. “Why me, God?” I wondered, “Why me?” Hadn’t I faithfully attended every prenatal appointment? Didn’t I take those prenatal vitamins even though they made me feel green in the gills? I had gone into my pregnancy healthy! Strong, fit, great blood pressure, non-smoker… “why me?”

I talked to some of the other wonderful, devoted parents in the NICU. I met mothers who gave birth to early due to preeclampsia, due to HELLP syndrome, due to kidney problems. On the flip-side, I heard about the absentee mothers whose premature deliveries were blamed on drug and alcohol abuse, on inadequate prenatal care, on injuries sustained in abusive relationships.

They sent the placenta to pathology. The verdict? “Preterm labor due to unknown causes.”

Why me???

This thought raged through my mind in a vicious circle. I couldn’t wrap my brain around how this could have happened to me, what I had done to deserve it. I lost sleep over it. I lost concentration. I lost valuable time that should have been devoted to praying for my daughter and those other babies.

And then one day it hit me. Why me?

Well, I realized I needed to ponder a few more questions… Why was my daughter getting stonger and healthier while others withered and grew weaker? Why had my son been born a healthy 8-pounder with no complications? Why had I been blessed with two beautiful children in less than twelve months?

Why, indeed.

I finally realized it wasn’t my call. I didn’t get to do the checks and balances and decide fate. I didn’t “earn” or “deserve” all the good or bad things that happened to me. But I did learn that God will never, ever give you more than you can handle.

By having faith in God’s plan and my own strength, I found peace. I found contentment. I found the conviction to face each day and be ever-mindful of the joy I felt. I was, and am, so very blessed.

Why me?

Well, I’m still not completely sure of the answer to that. But I choose to believe that perhaps it was so that I got to spend an extra four months with my precious girl. How lucky am I?

JessieLeigh is a wife and stay-at-home mother of two. After her second child arrived almost four months early, it became her mission to provide support and encouragement to those parenting very premature babies. She can be found maintaining a support blog at Parenting the Tiniest of Miracles, baking, or singing silly songs with her toddlers.

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Comments

  1. amysfinerthings says:

    Beautifully written! Thanks so much for these words that we can all relate to. In some situation or another… we’ve all faced the “why me?”

  2. Hmmm…I really needed to read this during this season of my life. I am newly preggie with baby #2 & am still harboring a tiny but effective pill of bitterness at how my healthy, active, loving, expressive, beautiful son was born. All the same questions, all the same feelings. He was completely breech for 2-3 mths – I knew it, but the nurses kept telling me he was fine. Lo & behold, a week before my due date, dr. checks me for dilation – VOILA – he's butt down, head up, in a pike position. Go figure.

    I went into labor that night; I had no time to talk to anyone, discuss options, research, etc. – the next morning my son was born C-section. Aaaallllll the dreams I had about having a "regular" birth experience were gone.

    But as I read this, I realize I did have time to do one thing that could have changed my attitude & possibly the entire outcome: PRAY.

    I need to get over my desires to have "controlled" things to my liking; I need to have a thankful & joyful heart at the immense blessing that my son continues to be to us; I need to not fret or worry about what circumstances this next baby may have to endure or what I may have to endure. It is what it is, but most importantly, I can & will PRAY.

    Thx for the post!

  3. Well said! I still struggle with my feelings about my two high-risk pregnancies and the “why me?” question. But then I look at my two children and remind myself how lucky I am! And I feel I am stronger for the experience of living through the challenges. Ready for the next challenge (I hope).

  4. I understand the feelings JessieLeigh has put into words. I too, had a micropreemie, and although we had a “reason” of preeclampsia, the emotions are similar. We are chosen to be the parents of each of our children for a reason far beyond what we will ever know. I am blessed to be able to hug my little one tight each night and I am thankful for her. So proud of you for sharing your story JessieLeigh!

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