How I Lost 20 Pounds in 2 Minutes

March 1, 2009

I knew I had put on a few pounds over the last few months. My clothes haven’t been fitting as well as they were when we first moved here. I call it, “lactation weight.” You know, the Big Mac you eat because, after all, “you are eating for two.” Or the extra helping of pie because you “want to make sure you’re getting enough calories to keep up your milk supply.”

Yeah. Uh-huh.

So it was with a little fear and trepidation that I stepped on the scale the other night while a couple of the kids were in the bathtub. I almost had a heart attack as the little line-thingamagig bolted far past where I expected it to land. Way far. Way. too. far.

Hmm…maybe someone messed with the adjustment dial.

I stepped off and let it reset, thinking it would land below zero. Nope. The line was pointing exactly to zero. I stepped back on.

Hmm…maybe the scale isn’t resting flat on the ground. Maybe it’s straddling the grout, and that’s making it read wrong.

I stepped off and repositioned the scale squarely in the middle of the floor tile and stepped back on.

Oh my gosh! I have been watching way too much Food Network! I am huge! I weigh like I’m nine months pregnant! What am I going to do?????

Put down the baby.

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

1 brand.new.housewife March 1, 2009 at 11:56 pm

That is absolutely hysterical! Now, if only I could get rid of the baby weight that I’m carrying…but I can’t since I’m pregnant. :-)

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2 Amy March 2, 2009 at 12:01 am

Oh my! How funny. So glad you were able to shed the pounds quickly, and now you know how much the baby weighs! ;-)

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3 Tiffany March 2, 2009 at 12:30 am

That cracked me up! I can definitely relate. I often look around and think, “Where’s the baby?” only to realize that I’m holding him. You get so used to holding babies, they just seem like they belong there. My husband calls our youngest son “the appendage.” :)

Love your blog. I’ve been reading for a few weeks and enjoying it!

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4 Mary March 2, 2009 at 12:31 am

That is too funny! What a miracle diet! LOL

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5 Lynn March 2, 2009 at 1:02 am

I love it! Great job losing that “baby weight”!

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6 jlo March 2, 2009 at 2:06 am

I wish I had a baby to hold while I stepped on the scale! Ha! Ha! Good one!

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7 HeatherC March 2, 2009 at 2:14 am

HA! Thanks for the laugh :)

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8 Jenna March 2, 2009 at 3:03 am

that is the funniest thing i’ve read all day.

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9 Krisi and Adam March 2, 2009 at 9:23 am

So funny!

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10 Briana Almengor March 2, 2009 at 2:10 pm

That was super funny. I could so relate to your inner thoughts about the scale needing fixed. :)
And, then I was getting really nervous for you. Then I read the last line. Very funny and very well written to deliver quite a laugh. :)

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11 Michelle March 2, 2009 at 5:21 pm

OH my goodness. You are kidding right???? LOL…I’m cracking up…oh man!

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12 Shari March 2, 2009 at 7:59 pm

HILARIOUS! Something I would totally do…. love it.

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13 Alfredo & Carole March 2, 2009 at 9:34 pm

once again, you have just made my day! I’m about in tears and so are the many others i’ve told about this post today!
thanks for perking up an otherwise “blah” monday!!!

Keep up the funny business!!

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14 Rachel@just another day in paradise March 3, 2009 at 5:38 pm

too funny!

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15 3 for Me! March 3, 2009 at 9:37 pm

ha ha haaa… Too funny!! Wish it was that easy all the time:)

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16 Jamie March 5, 2009 at 9:39 am

Love the blog and you!

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17 UnfinishedMom March 6, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Too funny! :)

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18 Lisa March 7, 2009 at 12:15 am

This was PRICELESS! My daughter sent me the link to your post today. I t made me remember the day I stepped on the scale with a little trepidation as I dieting. …I stepped on and the suddenly thoght to myself..”take your hands out of your pockets, silly!” I don’t know what I thought that was going to do…God bless:)

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19 Kim March 7, 2009 at 3:42 am

lol! that’s hilarious!

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20 Heather March 21, 2009 at 11:56 pm

That’s a great diet tip! :)

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21 TallyMichelle September 28, 2010 at 9:04 am

HA! That was awesome…and yes, I sometimes feel like the baby is ‘the appendage!’

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22 Stefanie September 28, 2010 at 9:30 am

lol! That is too funny!

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23 Summer September 28, 2010 at 1:05 pm

This is great! LOL

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24 Sarah K. @ The Pajama Chef September 28, 2010 at 6:00 pm

hehehe :)

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25 Allison September 29, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Love it. I too, am chasing down the wagon. Love the new look of your blog too (been a while since I visited outside of Google Reader).

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26 Jenny May 21, 2011 at 8:03 pm

Love it! Isn’t it funny how they just become attached and stay that way?

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