Dear Mom Who Doesn’t

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There are plenty of moms who seemingly do everything well. And then there are the rest of us. Here’s Prerna‘s insightful take on being a mom “who doesn’t”.

Dear Mom Who Doesn't

You’re struggling.

Struggling with guilt.

Struggling with feeling bad.

Struggling with comparisons.

Struggling with the books that tell you that if you need to save for retirement, that you must save in a certain way.

Struggling with that little voice in your head that keeps telling you, “If she does it, you should too.”

You aren’t alone.

I’ve been there.

You see, even though my husband and I believe in being frugal and as back-to-the-basics as can be, there are a few things I don’t do. Here are some {and yes, there are more!}

  • I don’t make my own detergent (anymore)!
  • I don’t grow my own fruits, vegetables or even, kitchen herbs.
  • I don’t buy thrift (always).
  • I don’t homeschool.

So, yes I struggle too.

And here’s the thing I realized, thanks to regular heartfelt talks with my husband.

Dear Mom Who Doesn't

It’s okay.

It really is.

We’re doing the best we can…based on the season we’re in.

  • We’re still meeting our savings goals.
  • Our clothes are clean and our family’s fed well and healthy.
  • Our daughter loves her school and her friends and is learning lots.

Struggling because we’re not doing what we’re “supposed” to be doing to fit someone else’s ideal of what frugal, simple or minimal means is unfair.

We don’t expect our kids to fit into a mold that we make for them, right.

We expect them to have their values straight but we respect their individuality and their unique personality, so let’s do the same for ourselves.

Let’s give ourselves the same acceptance.

Let’s accept ourselves with the same kindness and compassion.

Let’s be kind without judgment.

So, from one struggling mama to another, let’s pause and take a good look at our home and family.

If we can see love, respect, kindness, compassion, honesty, generosity, thoughtfulness, I think we’re good.

Do you struggle with the thoughts that you’re not a good mom or homemaker because you don’t do certain things??

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Prerna smallGourmet content chef, author of the Content Cookbook and community manager for time-starved entrepreneurs and bloggers, Prerna Malik, along with her husband Mayank, infuses online communities with sugar, spice and everything nice… for a small business. Grab her FREE social media and copywriting goodies here!

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  1. I struggle with thoughts that I am not interacting with my children enough each day. Everyone in the family tends to go to their own space after dinner to read, play on the computer or engage in other solitary activities. I hear other mothers talk about arranging regular activities every day — family game nights, family movie nights, etc. Am I ignoring my children or am I teaching them to entertain themselves? Over time, I have come to the realization that for me it is all about balance. I am a better mother when I get a bit of alone time each day, but I make sure to spend time with my children each day too. I wake my children up each morning one at a time and spend about 5 minutes giving them a back scratch and just chatting. I make sure we eat meals together every day. Every night as I tuck each child in I also spend 5 to 10 minutes talking to them about their day. We do activities together on the weekend. Is that enough? It seems to work for us, but I can imagine others from the outside looking in thinking it is not enough.

    • Nia Hanna says:

      It sounds like you’re doing your best. Your best in my opinion is enough. I don’t think anyone ‘does it all ‘. If a mother cooks everything from scratch, she doesn’t spend enough time with her children. If she spends enough time with her children, she may be feeding them food out of a box or can, or even take out everyday. If she keeps her home spotless, that’s an all day job and nobody will get much of her time. So I think it is all about balance and doing our best. Spend a little time with each kid, while keeping our home tidy, preparing what we can from scratch and buying the rest, and taking the much needed time for ourselves too.

  2. Even though I am quite comfortable in my own skin, there are times and often, when I feel guilty that I am not doing enough. Thankfully, I recover very fast and nothing keeps me down for long once I have had a chat with my husband.

  3. As long as we’re doing what God wants us to do and what our family needs, it does not matter what other people think. It’s nice if they like what we’re doing, but even that has its own temptations.

    So let’s keep on doing what were made to do, and let others do what they were made to do, and celebrate the differences.

  4. Jessica Peters Doran says:

    YES. I so needed this. Today. This month. This year. I am a single mom, so lacking the reassurance from a partner that “it is okay” is tough for me on a daily basis. Thank you for this reminder.

  5. I do a lot. Sometimes are worse than others. But I’m learning that I don’t have to be perfect, I’m allowed to mess up. When you let go of the guilt, life runs way smoother.

  6. Nia, thank you for those words of balance. I sometimes think I should be cooking meals from scratch or have a neat, clean house but I’d rather spend that time sitting with the kids and talking or doing whatever. We might order a pizza but they’re laughing and happy and I need to remember that’s what makes us a happy family. Thank you all for the reminder!

  7. Ugh. Thank you for writing this. The season I am in is driving me crazy. My tiny alway hungry one was born with a permanent health condition inwhich we see doctors sometimes 2-3 in one week and a physical therapist every week. Yesterday I was in the middle of eating my lunch while driving my other kiddo to school when I realized I didn’t have my cell phone or nor the address of the doctors appointment I was supposed to rush off to after quickly stopping at the school. It was an extremely stressful day and half of my lunch ended up on the floor of the car – unedible – as if I had time to eat it anyways. My husband who was with me, a rareity, usually is understanding, but he is dealing with his own stuff (full time work and college with upcoming finals and trying to squeeze in family time and sleep) just came a bit unglued. We found the doctors address and we even were on time. Every day seems to be a bit scrambled with little tiny things that make me feel so guilty as I fall asleep inbetween my hungry one’s feedings at night. I need to hear that I am okay more often. It really meant a lot to me to read your words this morning.

    • Stephanie you need to make sure you take care of yourself as well. It is so exhausting when you have a little one with health issues. Our eldest had to go to the doctor every other day for 2 months after she was born – failure to thrive issues. I would encourage you to find and ACCEPT help whenever possible. Too often, I think mothers feel like they have to do it all. If you have friends, family members, church members or neighbors that offer to cook a meal, watch the kids for an hour or mow the lawn, say YES. God bless.

Thanks so much for participating in this conversation about "a mom's life."

This is a place where moms can be themselves. Remember that each mother's path looks a little different. Please keep your comments respectful and kind. Reasonable minds will disagree in a nice way.

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