My to-do list has a heart divided. What if its sole purpose was to follow God?
As a writer, blogger, and highly competitive person, I care a lot, probably too much, about what people think about me. I don’t know that I sit and stew about it or say something other than what I mean, but I care all the same.
Honestly, I want people to like me. I want folks to buy my books. I want to have traffic and sales that are commensurate with all the time and energy I put into my profession.
This is a hard thing to wrestle with. And when things don’t go my way, it’s like someone pulled the rug out from under me. It feels like I’m spinning my wheels.
I imagine that if I didn’t have the distraction of self-employment, I would probably transfer this desire to succeed to other areas of my life, like trying to be the Best Homeschool Mom Ever, Best Housekeeper Ever, Best Wife Ever. In fact, I do when I’m not fixated on being the Best Whatever Ever.
Last week I was feeling down about how a certain project was going. I fired off an email about it and then opened the next email in the queue.
It was my Verse of the Day from my Bible app:
Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galations 1:10 (emphasis mine)
That verse hit me like a ton of bricks. I went straight to my journal to write it down and have a serious chat with God.
Father, show what it is to be your servant. If my only goal were to please YOU, what would I do each day? How would my “to do” list change? How would I be different?
How would I be different if I tried only to please God?
I don’t believe that I would abandon everything and move to a third world country to care for the poor.
I don’t think I would quit blogging or writing.
I don’t think I would change all that many things on the face of my life.
Many of things on my to do list would be exactly the same. I think God wants me to care for my husband and children, to keep my home tidy and orderly, to prepare nourishing food in a creative way, to teach my kids at home.
I don’t know that my day-to-day would be all that different.
But, I would be.
If my desire were to please God alone, I wouldn’t worry about 90% of the things that I worry about. I would be more peaceful. I wouldn’t be spinning my wheels.
I certainly wouldn’t be perfect, but I don’t think I’d care.