What do you do when you feel like a loser?

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Do you ever get disappointed with yourself and how you handle your life as mom? How do you escape the funk?

What do you do when you feel like a loser?

I have a loser meter. My loser meter is that internal mechanism that tells me how much I am failing at my job as a mom and homemaker.

My husband didn’t know this until quite recently. Since I tend to be an overachiever, he thought I had it all together, but no. I don’t.

On days when the house is mostly picked up and I feel on top of my game, the loser meter ranks pretty low. On other days, when things haven’t gone my way, when my mojo has flown away, when I just haven’t done what I think I should have done, my loser meter beeps in a sad, incessant, Eeyore kind of way.

I feel like a loser sometimes.

(Please know that this post is not intended to address or minimize issues of true depression. If yours is a feeling that doesn’t seem to go away, please seek professional help.)

What do you do when you feel like a loser?

I have these expectations of me.

I don’t often meet these expectations. And that really stinks. It sends my loser meter off the charts.

But, I’m getting on in age and working on that whole maturity thing. That means I need to buck up and deal with the feelings that bring me down as well as adjusting my expectations.

Realizing that I even had a loser meter — and communicating it to my husband — was a good step.

Combatting it is another. Here’s what I’m doing when my inner voice tells me I’m not doing this motherhood thing very well:

1. Tell someone.

I need my husband to know I sometimes feel this way. And he needs to know.

If he knows, he will put in extra effort to talk with me and help me make sense of what is right or wrong about my thinking. To be alone with my thoughts is a recipe for disaster.

To tell my friends gets me another woman’s perspective as well as emotional or physical help. We all need a friend when we hurt.

Bringing my husband or a friend into my troubles is also an invitation for them to pray for me.

2. Pray.

Speaking of which, I need to pray. God already knows how I feel and that I need help. I have the opportunity to turn to him and submit to His guidance.

Praying and asking for direction, motivation, and energy is a step in the right direction. I will have eyes to see my situation clearly and will have hope for change.

What do you do when you feel like a loser?

3. Get perspective.

What am I doing right? Where are my strengths? What is the bright side? What is the truth?

These are the questions I need to ask myself. All too often we can start down a path of feeling discouraged and all we can see is the negative.

We need to be honest with ourselves and look for what is true. I’m not a loser. But, I could do better in certain areas.

Last night I went to a friend’s house to talk about homeschool curriculum with other moms. I went home very impressed with them and very humbled by my own doings in comparison.

The fact is that I haven’t been the teacher I want to be. That I need to be. That I know I can be.

I’m not feeling bad about comparisons, but by what’s true. I could do better. And I will.

4. Change the things that truly need to change.

Some things do need improvement. They always do. And sometimes you need to exert yourself.

Once upon a time my focus was solely on my homeschool and our home. Over time, we’ve worked more things into the mix of our family life. Consequently, I dropped my standards in those two areas. Time to make some changes!

5. Give myself grace.

I will never be the perfect mother. And that is totally okay. Totally. There’s a difference between slacking off and giving yourself grace. We need discernment to know which we’re doing.

That’s where talking with others, praying, reminding ourselves of the truth, and trying to make changes come in. After looking to those things, what’s left just needs to be forgiven.

Let’s be gentle on ourselves and move on.

How do YOU deal when you’re disappointed in yourself?

I’m not the only one who feels like this sometimes, right? What do YOU do to get yourself on the right track? How can we pray for you?

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  1. Some people like to journal or write down three things they are grateful for every day. When I am truly angry or feeling less than, it helps to think of 3 things. And usually ends up being so much more. Loved your quote the other day about everything having a season, by the way.

  2. I compensate by setting the bar low…………REALLY low! lol.
    I am in no way shape or form an overachiever – but I do have expectations for myself in my role as “mom”. My goal is to listen to my internal dialogue and change things up if I need to.
    For instance, my husband is away for an extended time this winter/spring and normally I emphasize making all meals from scratch, having a decent variety, and eating dinner ALWAYS around the table. In this season, I’ve learned it’s healthier for all of us for me not to be a crazywoman (go figure) and I’ve added in some convenience foods and even (gasp!) done some takeout. Feels like a treat to the kids and feels like a sanity-saver to me 😉
    Stuff like that.
    I do sometimes remind myself that this is NOT supposed to be easy – it’s WORK!

  3. Samantha says:

    Thank u I just figured myself out in this writing . Everything you said that is what I feel

  4. Every time my house starts to get on my nerves I remind myself there is a reason it is called house WORK. I already spend more than 40 hours a week at the office, cook meals for my family seven days a week, and do a dozen loads of laundry each week. If I want to also spend some quality time with my husband and children, my house is not going to be perfect. There simply are not enough hours in the day. Every once in awhile I have to stop and remind myself of my my real priorities. It is very helpful for me to talk with my husband when things are getting hard. I also make time each month to attend my church Women’s Circle. Talking with other mother’s of all ages about life is very comforting.

  5. Me too, me too! You are not alone 🙂 I’ve had a few episodes recently where I thought I was doing well. The house was neater than usual, dishes were done, we’d had a nice dinner, etc. I’d spent a fair amount of time getting those things done instead of being lazy, and I was proud of my work. Then, boom: hubby has no clean [socks, pjs, undershirts, whatever]. None. At all. And it’s time to go. Or, I did all the dishes, house was neat, worked on projects for a friend, planted garden, and boom: didn’t sweep the floor so now there’s an ant swarm. I worked so hard on THE WRONG THING. That’s so discouraging!

    But as for what do I do? I’m still working on that one 🙂 It takes awhile to figure out exactly where my thinking has gone off track and readjust it. Just recognizing that I’m not going to snap out of it and purposely taking my time to adjust back to a healthy state of mind has helped. Like you said, stating truth to yourself is incredibly helpful (although half the time I don’t believe myself!) And knowing that it will feel less overwhelming the next morning is always good to remember 🙂 (And I can always identify with Paul’s experience in Romans of “the good that I want to do, I don’t do.” I love that the verse about “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” comes next–even when I don’t fulfill my expectations for myself, I am not condemned because my failures are covered with Christ’s blood. Even homemaking failures and the ensuing attitude struggles 🙂 )

  6. I am recently out of college for a bit to have my second child, and tho i loved being at home with my first child and it was just the two of us at home now that my second pregnancy draws closer i sometimes feel like i dont get the supporti need even tho my husband does support me money wise neways but communication we lack alot and hes barely ever home and i cant help but feel like its me he wants to stay away from me and i feel like the total losr r cause he has all the freedom but your d tory has heped me realize alot of what i am feeling thank you

    • I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way. While I don’t know your husband, I do wonder if the responsibility of a larger family may be weighing on him. We’ve been married almost 21 years and I have found that when I talk to my husband about this kind of stuff, he always surprises me. 1, he responds with some kind of change and 2, he shares something deep that I had no idea he was feeling. Can you make some time to talk this week? Praying for you.

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