From Envy to Admiration: When She’s Got What You Want
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This post was originally published November 5, 2008.
She’s got a nicer house than you.
She’s skinnier after having a baby than you were before you ever got pregnant.
She’s better organized.
She’s got a great job, and you’re “just” ________________. (fill in the blank.)
And on and on and on. Chances are you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else and thinking that you come up short. I know I do.
In fact, as my mother and my sisters will testify, I am fiercely competitive. Combine that with a perfectionist mentality and, well, let’s say that my teen years weren’t all that pleasant for those around me.
Thankfully, I’ve grown a little in the last twenty years. But, while I may know more self-control, I still have twinges of envy when I see someone else doing something “better” than me. It can take awhile to talk myself out of envying this other person. And I really do have to lecture myself from time to time.
Some things to Consider if You Find Yourself in a Similar Place:
1. Don’t compare your insides to her outsides. You have no idea what struggles she has or what obstacles she’s had to overcome to achieve her success, or what you perceive as her success. Many times we compare ourselves to an inaccurate picture of reality.
2. Remember to find your own groove. For years I struggled with the fact that my sister Jamie is Ultra-Creative, Talented, and Never Looks Frumpy. I wanted to be all those things, but they take a lot more work for me than for her. God gifted her in other ways than He did me. But, thankfully, He gave her to me — to help me!
3. There’s plenty to go around. Unless we’re talking about the presidency or someone else’s husband, there really isn’t a limit to what we can achieve. My sister can be creative and so can I. It’s not as if there’s a limit to the amount of blessings God can give, and Jamie got all the artistic talent. I can grow and learn in the areas where I am weak. We all can.
4. Learn from her. Take that jealousy and knock it to the ground. If you find yourself envying the woman with the great organization skills, ask her if she can teach you some of her best tips. Strive to develop a friendship, not a competition.
5. Rejoice with those who rejoice! If something good comes her way, congratulate her. It may take a little work to swallow your pride, but in the end, you’ll feel better if you can walk alongside her, rather than spitting at her as she passes by.
6. Admiring her strengths doesn’t make you less of a person. Somehow we can think that to admire a peer means we become the low man on the totem pole. That is not so! We all are gifted in different ways. And that’s a good thing.
It may take a little retraining our brains and hearts, but I think we can turn our envy into honest, wholesome admiration.
Do you ever struggle with envy? What do you do when you find yourself pining for what she has that you want?
This was REALLY tough to read, because honestly until the past year I did not realize that this is something that is a real struggle for so many ladies. I have spent my adult life OFTEN on the receiving end of the effects of another’s envious attitude, with no understanding of how I was being treated or spoken to other than that this was painful for my heart. Then I’d try to do all kinds of things to be loving toward that person, and end up being treated even worse, as she was then comparing not only specific things about me, but also comparing my responses to what she did or would have done in a similar situation. This is anything but pleasant!! So this has been on my mind quite a bit, and what I see is a lack of gratitude at the root. When you’re overflowing with gratitude and joy to the Creator for what He has graciously chosen to allow in your life (whether good or ill – the struggles often are gifts in disguise) there is not room for envy and striving, and the fruit of the spirit can then be manifest – love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. Envy has a hard time walking with joy and peace! Christ DOES have the power to set you free of this trap of the Adversary – just ask Him.
A great reminder and encouragement. I choose not to be envious of all you ladies who do NOT have to live through an Alaskan winter! 🙂
Oh, isn't it easy for us females to be so critical of ourselves. I really like the little saying, and I have to remind myself of it frequently, "I may not be perfect, but Jesus thinks I am to die for."
Thank you so much for this repost today! I have found myself falling into this trap again lately. It's funny how we as women focus on what other women have instead of building each other up. I think this post is a great reminder for us all.
Thank you! I need these reminders often, even though God has given me grace to grow even in this area over the years. I often have to remind myself of the verse 'but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, ARE NOT WISE. '
Men have their own battles to battle, but this is certainly one that I believe is ours, as woman.
You've described me to a "T" in this post. I struggle with envy and trying not to judge others – usually determining I don't like them because they are "better than me" in some way I perceive. Reminding myself that our exteriors do not lend themselves to what lies beneath helps. Thanks for the reminders!