Can Your Baby Have Too Many Clothes? (Guest Post)
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Is it possible for your baby to have too many clothes?
When I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first child, I received a phone call that changed my life. Merely a week before, I had learned that I was going to have a baby girl. My desire to go shopping and fill up my little girl’s room full of adorable outfits was tempered by the concerns that were on our ultrasound.
So when I received THE phone call telling me “I’m sorry, your daughter has Trisomy 21,” at first I was so devastated that all I could do was sit and cry.
When friends reached out to me and asked what they could do, I replied that I wanted to go shopping. To buy clothes for my little girl.
I still remember the first thing that I bought her: a cozy brown sleeper with scattered pink polka dots. I paid full price. From Osh Kosh. But in my grief, I ignored the price tag. My unborn daughter had an extra chromosome. By buying her beautiful things to wear, I felt like I was doing something to help her — to show her love in the only way I knew how.
As my very difficult pregnancy progressed, I received many gorgeous presents and clothes for Baby Girl. Friends that I hadn’t heard from in years sent generous packages in the mail with sweet notes of love for our baby rockin’ a little something extra. It meant so much to me to receive an outpouring of love that way.
By the time my daughter was born, she had an AWESOME wardrobe. Onesies, outfits, dresses, shoes, tights, hats — you name it she had it. (And yes, she was born in February, but she had 6 pairs of sunglasses!)
She was in the NICU for 5 weeks, so she really wasn’t able to wear the clothes until she left — and then we had to dress her around a g-tube and an oxygen nasal cannula, so she wore each outfit differently than I had imagined, but was a baby modeling star from the moment she traded her NICU incubator for that brown and pink sleeper that I bought for her the day after receiving her diagnosis.
It wasn’t until recently that I have reflected back on this new start to motherhood and realized how all of that shaped my philosophy in dressing my daughter. Addison is now 17 months old. She is healthy, happy, and growing like any other toddler….charming the world around her with one toothy smile at a time.
Shopping — A lot
But for months I still found myself with a desperate need to overflow her closet and dresser. To my way of thinking, it was easier to take her out in public and have people ooh and ahh over her coordinating outfit/hat/shoe combo rather than notice her almond shaped eyes and cast pitying glances my way.
I live across the street from Carters, Gymboree, and OshKosh outlets. I’ve rocked the sales and learned how to get outfit pieces for steals and have maintained the same giant wardrobe that she had waiting for her when she was born.
I rationalized:
- she grows really slowly and wears each outfit forever — which is true.
- I’m horrible at laundry, so it’s nice to be able to go a while before running out of clothes for her — also true…regrettably.
But the truth was, I irrationally felt that if she wore an outfit more than once, then people were going to see her as less than the princess she was because she has Down syndrome.
Skip ahead to today.
One month ago I became a stay-at-home mom. Cutbacks were needed. I scratched my head in wonderment. Where oh where could I possibly cut back?
After a few critical comments from well-meaning friends as to how many clothes Addison has (while I was in line to purchase yet another bundle), I burst into tears thinking that they didn’t understand mothering a child with special needs.
And when I calmed down, I realized that I was overcompensating.
Yes, I love my daughter very, very much. But it’s OK if she wears the same thing twice. It’s OK if there is a new/fashionable outfit hanging in that outlet store that she doesn’t have in her closet.
I’ve spent many hours contemplating the question: Is it possible for your baby to have too many clothes?
Honestly, I think as long as you are shopping sales and being frugal about how you come about the clothes, the clothes in and of themselves aren’t wrong. And of course there are the showers and gifts that absolutely should fill your baby’s room full of the cutest possible outfits. But I found that I had to be careful.
Why did I want her to have all of these clothes?
Why did I feel the need to always have her chubby goodness encased in high baby fashion?
Finding Balance
I still dress my daughter well. But I feel that I know now where to stop. When enough is enough. I think through each purchase. Am I buying this because she needs it or because I want to add to her collection and prove something to the world? She certainly doesn’t seem to be complaining.
The truly ironic thing? In September, Little Miss Well-Dressed Addison is getting a very special delivery….which means that her already reduced clothing budget now gets cut in half…and none of her old clothes can be passed along.
Hopefully a little brother will help balance me out even further.
How do YOU tell when your child has enough clothes?
— You can read more about Deanna, Addison’s birth story and their life together at Everything and Nothing in Essex. Read Deanna’s previous guest post on Parenting a Child with Down Syndrome.
Our son was born 4 weeks early and we didn’t have ANYTHING for him! My husband is self-employed and money was tight so we waited for showers to get necessities. To this day we still havent bought him any new clothes (thanks to all the hand-me-downs!) Do I feel guilty about not being able to get him new clothes? Yes, sometimes. Does he wear the ones he has more than once? Sometimes! But when we go visit people, they’re looking at HIM, not his clothes. =) The baby doesnt care what he’s dressed in! As long as he’s warm, fed and gets lots of love, he’s very happy! (I cloth diaper when we’re at home, so during the summer I don’t dress him, so he wears even less!)
Your daughter is beautiful! She is gorgeous just the way she is, you don’t have to “dress” her to be any cuter! Her personality will shine through, whether she wears a new outfit every day, or the same 8 to 10 outfits in a size/season (or however many needed to stay ahead of laundry but not to have an overflowing closet). Thanks for sharing her with us!
First of all, love to you and your beautiful daughter! I’d say I sit on the opposite end of the spectrum from you. I barely EVER buy our kids clothing. They get about $50-60 from Once Upon a Child at the season’s start, if needed and that’s IT. Only what they need. We do laundry daily and our kids tend to pick 1-2 favorites that they wear OVER AND OVER. We often (very often) purge and give away everything we haven’t worn in a while (season permitting). I want our kids to grow up with an awareness that it isn’t about ‘how they look’. So, I don’t not buy them lots of clothing because I’m lazy or broke. It’s a choice. Our kids always look cute – but they do pick their own outfits, whether they match or not… lol.
I think a good starting point for knowing if your child has too much is if they have more than 14 outfits for a given season. That’s WAY too much in our house. Our kids have about 7-8 outfits with a few extra t-shirts for summer… it’s enough, as they’re in their bathing suits every day anyways!!! Blessings!
Cassandra @ http://www.unplugyourfamily.blogspot.com
You’re daughter has an absolutely radiant smile, I wanted to pick her up and hug her! When my son was small I was so into the ‘fashion’ thing, he would wear VERY expensive jeans from Gap Kids – crazy! I certainly don’t go as crazy with clothes like I used to, what tends to happen is each kid takes a liking to a couple of shirts or pants and everything else gets forgotten. When end of season rolls around I’m always appalled by how many clothes really never got worn. My recommendation to mothers with older kids (especially daughters) is to let them pick out 2-3 really amazing outfits (within your budget) that make them feel really special. Fill that in with a t-shirt or two and that’s really all they need.
great post Deanna…what a lucky duck you are to live right across the street from the outlet…
boys clothes are totally not fun though…just fyi
Wow you have such a beautiful little girl!
Thanks for your heartwarming post and honesty. I think it is really easy to get suckered into getting more “stuff.” This is one reason I have a love/hate relationship with the mall. I am thankful I married a penny pinching “saver.” I struggle to find balance.
Really sweet post. Just from the title, I was thinking, “Amen, sister.” I don’t buy my kids anything but second hand clothes and I *still* think they have too many clothes, esp. when you take into account gifts from grandparents, etc. I think your daughter is adorable. 🙂 Thanks for writing!
I am with Cherie – I think buying beautiful outfits for your daughter was a perfectly acceptable coping mechanism during a difficult time. Clearly it wasn’t a “problem,” because you’ve been able to cut back now that your financial situation has changed.
By the way, I know people don’t get excited over boy clothes, but I think you’ll enjoy shopping for your new baby, too. I LOVE buying things for my son. It’s so much fun to dress him like a miniature version of his daddy. And super-hero shirts – you can never have too many super-hero shirts!
I felt the same way with my daughter with Autism. I felt if I dressed her so that no one would notice the meltdowns and tantrums. I even remember dressing her in her cutest outfit to our first developmental pediatrician appointment hoping they wouldn’t give her the diagnosis I thought she would get. Now at 5 she is an amazing little girl and has her own sense of style. Anything animal print and she doesn’t care if she matches. One of the many things I love about her!