To Be More Joyful: Get a Reality Check
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You’re frustrated. You want to be the best mom that you can be. You want to manage your home simply, economically, and efficiently. But somehow things, people, circumstances aren’t cooperating with your master plan. And it is robbing you of joy.
You find yourself angry, impatient, and discontent. What do you do?
Complacency and a feeble shrug of the shoulders is not the answer. Neither is riding rough shod over everyone in the vicinity.
But getting a reality check can be.
Getting Real
One thing that helps me function better as a mom, wife, friend, homemaker, is to come to grips with reality.
I have four boys, under 13 years of age. When you have more than one boy, energy levels multiply exponentially. There are some things I have learned to accept:
- It will always be noisy at my house.
- The toilets and bathroom floors will rarely be spotless.
- Physical activity is going to rule the day over quiet occupations.
Accept the Acceptable
This is all good. (Except for the bathroom part, maybe.)
What makes it not good is if I don’t accept the nature of my household. Sure, we can have established quiet times. Sure, each young man can learn toilet cleaning techniques — and you better believe he will! Sure, each of my boys can learn to keep his hands, legs, feet to himself.
But, I need to have an accurate picture of my reality as a mother of many boys. If I buck the circumstances that aren’t really mine to change, I will find myself disgruntled at best, angry at worst.
I can be a more joyful mom if I embrace the things that make my family unique.
Get a reality check.
Consider the following:
- What are the circumstances in your home that “bug you?” Are they really wrong (in an ethical way) or are they simply annoyances?
- Are there ways to approach these situations other than how you currently react? Are you setting yourself up for frustration based on how you respond?
- If you could change something about your “life as MOM,” what would it be? Is it a realistic expectation of yourself, your family, this season of life?
Grow with it.
Obviously, there are aspects of our reality that are unacceptable. * There are always area to improve and grow. Getting an accurate picture of your reality will help you better determine the things that you can change and identify the areas where you and your family can grow.
Wearing rose colored glasses, or seeing things better than they are, is not reality. Neither is the Eeyore way of looking at life. Woe is me….
But if we can think on what is true, accept the acceptable, and grow ourselves and our families in those areas in need of improvement, I think that each of us can find more joy in “life as MOM.”
Where are you bucking the reality of your circumstances? What’s another way of looking at it?
YES – thank you! I have 2 boys, 10 & 5 — it is always going to be noisy around here!! (and one day I will miss it when its gone)
Great post! I have 2 children 23 months apart, both with ADHD and some anxiety issues. So, it’s frequently NOT smooth sailing around here. I now remind myself frequently what blessings abound in our home. This is reality, and it helps to focus on the positive.
So true!!! Here are two things I have learned in being a mom to my 6 yo boy, 4yo and 2 yo girls: First – anytime I try to live up to other people’s standards rather than my own, I will fail and feel miserable. I have a friend that has more kids than me and drives them crazy trying to keep the house surgically clean. When she visits, I can tell she is just itching to organize toys (and we have a decently tidy house). It took me a long time to be able to say – this is good enough, deal with it. My kids are clean and happy, our house looks like happy kids live here and no one is yelling their face off. Second, whenever I become really irritated and ready to (or having just) yell(ed) at one of my kids, I realize that my biggest problem isnt them – it is me. When I start to hear the pronouns “me, my, I” too much, I know that I am in trouble. I try to do MY schedule, MY to-do list, MY missed exercise session because of a kids who wakes with the chickens, etc. It is a daily struggle to remind myself that they matter most, not the schedule and the to-do list. (It also helps that I FINALLY put us on a cleaning/laundry schedule that really reduces the “I should be doing… ” feeling and gives us SO much more time to be together in a fun way).
Sorry that is so long…..I havent had any adult contact all day 😉
I love it when you talk about Joy and remind me of all I’m blessed with. Sure I know, but it’s nice to be arounded and not feel like you are the only one.
I’m an older mom of one boy. He’s 7. It’s hard because I am the entertainment. lol But most days I wouldn’t trade it for the world and on the off days, I get out art supplies and tell him mommy needs a day to rejuvenate (sp). He understands.
My house is NOT perfect and neither am I. It took a lot to admit that for a while. Now – it’s just part of the package.
Hugs…
em
I too expect too much sometimes but my husband really need’s a reality check when it comes to our 2 boy’s.Both are high yield Autistic and he alway’s expects way too much from them.In some way’s they are typical for their age and in other way’s it’s like having 2 two yr old’s. For the lady with infertility,The doctors said I would never have children but God decided I would.I was 35 when I had my 1st, so don’t give up and believe with him all thing’s are possible.
Your post couldn’t have come at a better time! I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to rid the children’s bathroom of a lingering urine smell. I can’t stand it and couldn’t figure out why all of my cleaning wasn’t helping at all. Last night my husband discovered our son peeing in the bathroom wicker trash can!!!!! When my husband asked him why he was doing that? He said, “I don’t know”! What?! Really?! Thinking on the positive side my husband to the poor trash can out to the back yard and amazingly the smell is gone :0)
Oh, I’m so sorry…. but that makes me laugh. 😉 So glad you got to the bottom of it.