Christmas For Those Who Grieve or Struggle
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My mother-in-law passed away a year ago today. Needless to say, it was a rough Christmas. And in many ways, it’s been a rough year. There are many precious memories to remember as well as many memories left unmade. The following was originally posted December 23, 2008. I offer it up as a reminder to us all that sometimes, Christmas isn’t so merry. I don’t want to be a lead-balloon, but just a quiet voice to nudge us to think outside the holiday box.
This past week my eyes are opened to the realization that for some people Christmas will not be so merry. For our family, we are grieving the loss of someone we loved very much.
We spent several Christmases with my mother-in-law, and now, everywhere I turn something reminds me of her.
- A brightly colored sweater that would look great on her.
- The gingerbread house kits that she always enjoyed getting for the kids.
- A funny thing that one of the kids says or does that I know she would chuckle at. I can almost hear her laughter.
Christmas is not quite as merry this year. And all of a sudden, I see that we are not the only ones. There are families, maybe you, maybe your neighbor, who are struggling with job losses, over-whelming debts, illness, separation, imprisonment, or death.
It’s been so easy for me in my little cave to go about my business, to plan all sorts of entertainments for my children, and not to think about what other people are experiencing. And now my eyes are opening a little more.
There are those out there for whom Christmas will not be so merry.
— the family who lost their daughter just days before her fifth birthday.
— the woman whose husband is deployed and living a life of danger so that we may be free.
— the couple pursuing adoption whose birth mother changes her mind after they’ve already placed their new son into their home and into their hearts.
— the dad who is struggling to make ends meet yet fears the layoffs.
These are real scenarios. Real people. And Christmas will be different this year.
I mention this as a gentle reminder for myself and for you to think about what we can do to bring comfort to others who might not be having so merry a Christmas. Consider one of these small acts of kindness to perform this week and then again next month when the excitement has died down but the troubles perhaps have not.
- Call and have a conversation. Find out how they are doing. Don’t be afraid of their sadness. Walk alongside them.
- Extend an invitation to dinner. It may feel awkward at first. But be real. Be a friend.
- Take them a meal so that they can have a night off cooking. Food doesn’t solve life’s problems, but it is a comfort.
- Offer to watch the kids so the couple can have a date, or so the single parent can have a little down time.
These are just my first thoughts. Anybody else have some ideas? Please tell us in the comments section.
I just got a call this afternoon that my cousin’s little 18 month old baby girl died in her sleep. I am stunned.
Posts like this are always helpful…not only to those who grieve, but those who don't understand.
We lost my Nana on Christmas eve 3 years ago. I know every Christmas grows increasingly more difficult for my grandfather – after all, they were mates for 55 years!
My maternal grandma passed in 2005, and while I had many, many, many happy memories made with her, I still grieve her loss. Every year, my husband sets up the tree, quietly hands me a box of specially wrapped ornaments, and sets a box of Kleenex next to me. He takes the 2 year old out for a bit of fun, and lets me be to unwrap each ornament Gamma (as she was known) gave me each year, set it on the tree, cry a bit, be thankful she's with my Grandpa and with the Lord. I know in time, I'll feel the loss less acutely, but 4 years later, it still stings.
This year has been hard for many in my family, financially speaking. Many relatives are jobless, money is very tight. It doesn't make the atmosphere very festive, you'd think…but this forced "paring back" has allowed many of us to become much closer, and just enjoy the season, remembering that poor Babe that was born on a cold night…and the real reason we should always have joy.
Thank you for reminding us. I love your photo. We're having our 1st Christmas without my Father-in-law. We cleaned his coffee stains out of the carpet this weekend and all were in tears. A church I used to attend back home in Canada used to have a grieving service on Christmas day for people to bring them comfort. I love this idea.
Thank you for reminding us. I love your photo. We're having our 1st Christmas without my Father-in-law. We cleaned his coffee stains out of the carpet this weekend and all were in tears. A church I used to attend back home in Canada used to have a grieving service on Christmas day for people to bring them comfort. I love this idea.
Always, always, always miss my grandparents.
I have a close family friend whose husband died of cancer in May – two weeks before my daughter's wedding. His birthday was Nov. 30. I know his wife, two girls, and their husbands and children miss him terribly.
My son's girlfriend's father is in Afghanistan until February. They are used to his deployments, but it's still hard at Christmas.
Thanks for the reminder to reach out to them.
This will be our fist Christmas without my mother-in-law, we lost her August 1st, just 19 days after she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer… pneumonia actually took her… in the good lung. Rambling, sorry! It's weird how grief can just sneak up on you when you think you're doing okay… my two year old will never remember her… he saw a picture of her the other day and didn't know who she was… I cried. She was the heart and soul of her family… it's so different now. I find peace and awe in knowing that she's actually in Heaven! She's there right now! Wow, right!?
Anyway, thank you for your post. An unexpected blessing. Merry Christmas to you and your family!