Q&A: Morning Wake-Up HELP!
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Occasionally, readers write with questions that I know others might be able to add to or benefit from. Today we’re talking about morning wake-up help and how to get kids ready and out the door.
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Q. I am hoping that you can help me (and possibly other readers as well) find some ideas for getting my 5 year old out of bed and dressed in the morning. As much as I wish it were otherwise, I have to wake her up around 6am. Every morning its a struggle and it often takes 30 to 45 minutes to get her up. I’ve even resorted to waking her up earlier (5:45am) to allow for this. It still doesn’t help much. I am late to work nearly every day. My boss has not said anything to me at this
point, but it certainly isn’t healthy for my career. In the fall, my daughter will start Kindergarten and the time crunch will be even more important so she won’t miss the bus.
Getting out of bed isn’t even the only problem. Having her get dressed in a timely fashion takes nearly as long!
I have tried punishments – doesn’t work. I’ve tried incentives – works for a short period of time only.
I’m just about at my wits end. Can you or your readers supply any ideas for helping my sleepy girl get going in the morning?
Thanks so much,
Sara
A. Hi Sara,
While I don’t often have the same challenge you do since we homeschool, there are mornings when I need to get the crew “up and at ’em” at an early hour to drive to a class, doctor’s appointment, field trip, or test. I can certainly understand your struggle and can assure you that you are not alone. I know there are plenty of moms in the same boat with us.
When I know that we need to get going early, my preparation begins the night before. I have the kids pack their backpacks, lay out their clothes, and put their shoes and bags by the door. We also try to make sure the house is relatively tidy before we go to bed that night because messes slow us down tremendously. I also pack lunches the night before AND make breakfast. Even something as simple as setting out bowls, spoons, cups, and cereal boxes seems to save time in the morning.
As for physically waking kiddos up, I try to make sure that they go to bed early so that they are getting enough sleep and feeling rested when they do wake up. And, truth be told, some of my boys prefer to sleep in their (clean) clothes so that they don’t have to mess with getting dressed on a busy morning. They literally roll out of bed ready for the day.
Well, there is the wet comb to deal with the bed head, but you get my drift.
These are things that work for our family to get up and out the door in time for classes and appointments. However, that doesn’t mean we/I always do them. In fact just yesterday we needed to get on the road by 8 and there was a fair amount of hustle, bustle, and smoke coming out Mama’s ears. We can have great plans and things still not turn out the way they should.
These tips certainly don’t address any deeper issues like if your daughter is willfully disobeying. But, my guess is that if she’s got adequate sleep and her stuff all laid out for her, then it should be a little easier. But, I myself had a kid who stayed in bed (awake) for 45 minutes while I was getting ready because he just didn’t want to go with the plan. I feel your pain.
One thing that I’ve realized with my younger kids is that they still need help sometimes when I think they should be able to do it on their own. So, perhaps you can help her get ready or invite her to get ready in your room while you get ready for the day. A little companionship could go a long way.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. But, please know I wouldn’t want you to do it “my way” just ’cause. I hope that you can discover what’s best for you and your daughter.
Dear Readers, it’s your turn.
Well first off I love the warm washcloth idea
But it does honestly sound like maybe she needs more sleep – in my house the boy gets up at the same time no matter what time he goes to sleep – his sisters not so, and they need more sleep than he does – all since birth. We are who we are 🙂
That said, I would start with an earlier bedtime [and an explanation of why – not as punishment but as understanding that she must need more sleep]
Then a series of rewards for doing well with getting up – one of which CAN be staying up later [if she can still maintain the waking up success] If you do this eventually you’ll find how much is need for sleep and how much is motivational.
Good luck – my kids were pretty easy in all areas but sleep – still!
I just want to say that it’s important for Mom to remember that we have all been there. Or we’ve all been in hard situations. YOU are not alone! Dont think that just because your child acts up, doesn’t follow the routine or just plain frustrates you, doesn’t mean that you are doing anything wrong. Hang in there!!! The great thing about little kids is they grow out of these phases. Then they grow older and we wish for these “little” issues again. 🙂
I will also say that kids need a lot of sleep. I get a lot of grief from others that my kids go to bed too early. My 2 year old goes to bed at 6:30 and my 7 and 9 year olds go to bed around 7:30. They have to be out of bed and functional by 6:30 am and that is the amount of recommended sleep by the professionals. They all get up realatively easily and get moving. We have a rule around our house that you have to complete your morning tasks first and any extra time is yours. My older boys can get ready really quickly if they want to watch a cartoon, play a game, or do some type of playing.
To help my kids when they were first learning to get ready in the morning, I made a checklist for them of their routine and the order it needed to be done. Within a couple months the list wasn’t needed.
Totally agree with the amout of sleep idea, it makes it really hard for working parents because many times they gather the children after work, get home, cook dinner and give baths and it’s already 7pm. I do know, my 5 (almost 6) year old goes to bed at 7:45 and sleeps til I wake her for school at 6:45-7 (later on the weekends). They really do need a LOT of sleep.
As for getting them up in the moring, slow down the process a bit. Rather than trying to actively wake her for 45 minutes, go in the room 20-30 min before you want them up and turn on a small lamp in their room. Then leave and go about your morning routine, go back in about 10-15 min later and rub their back and talk a little bit. Once you’re COMPLETELY ready (if they haven’t woken themselves) go in and get them up and and help them get ready, bush teeth, etc. Make sure you can give them 100% of your effort in getting them ready, even have the car packed and ready to go. Also, if you have a bit of a drive to daycare, some snacks (breakfast) for the car would probably be a welcome treat!!
I was going to say something similar. My son is slow and easily distracted. Our mornings go best when I am already ready to go and can focus on following up with him. Then it only takes the necessary 15 minutes to get out the door. Prep the night before and breakfast in the car (nutri-grain type bars are good, too), also help.
My eldest has autism, so we are a household replete with pecs, visual schedules, timers, and a host of myriad other behavioral supports. I used a visual checklist for getting her dressed, and it’s on my blog. http://Www.fourmeandyou.blogspot.com. Don’t have exact link, but it should be in the popular posts section on the right. I’m cuddling a sicky 20-month-old as I type, or I’d look it uo for you. Warning…my blog isn’t ss G rated as Jessica’s; I swear sometimes. 😉
As for the trouble waking her up, I echo what everyone else says. I add this, though, is there any chance she can just go to day care in her jammies? Can they help her get dressed over there? Why not outsource the battle?
Also, would she sleep in braids? if so, you could cut hair prep out of your morning routine. And, by all means, dry cereal in a baggie and a juice box in the car on the way until you get yourselves on an easier system.
She’ll get there, Momma!
My sister always brought a warm washcloth to her kids when she woke them up. Sounds weird, I know. But the few times I was at her house and had to get up early with her kids (she is 19 years older than I am so her kids are my age) it was awesome. She would hand us the rags and gently tell us to wake up. Then she would sit on the side of the bed and talk to us while we wiped our faces with the warm cloth. It really worked! When I was older my mom would bring me a cup of hot tea to my bed when she woke me up. Yeah. I was spoiled. 🙂
I’m in the same boat as Jan – one early riser and one late sleeper. Fortunately, we don’t have to get up that early!
Still, my son usually has an hour and a half of play time before we need to get ready to leave (yep, he’s up that early!), and my daughter is just rolling out of bed.
Talk to your child – my daughter said she just feels too sleepy if she gets up earlier. And, amazingly, her teacher (1st grade) can tell when she doesn’t get enough sleep – she doesn’t learn as well and is cranky and sleepy all day. So, we make sure she gets to bed on time (they really do need 10-12 hours of sleep a night!) and I make sure she only needs to throw on clothes and her coat – I feed her dry cereal in the car. We found she functions best on about 11 hours of sleep, so she’s in bed by 830 and up at 8am (we leave at 815am). Definately not glammorous, but it works for us right now!
Hope that’s somewhat helpful,
Lea
My 5 year old son has a hard time getting up every morning. Mornings are not his thing. So I srarted putting in a movie in the morning I let him watch it while I get things around. Then I will get him dressed. Then breakfast. Put on shoes, coat and wait for the bus. We do this evey morning for school. Then on friday night I let him know his reward is sleeping in on Saturday. This works for me. I hope this helps you.
I really have no advice to offer, sorry, but I do think it’s important to remember that some are morning people, whereas others are not (me? Up and at ’em, it’s the start of a beautiful day) … Sonny Boy would roll out at 5am for school no problem, whereas Princess? Ummm, she’s jokingly referred to as our Ray of Sunshine, 90% stormy in the morning. Seriously, defiant and difficult at an early hour. Even at 19 and 21, we still see the SAME pattern when they wake up as when they were young (5 or so) … so I have NOTHING to offer 🙂 Just that they know it’s important to get up and move so as not to be late …
I think a lot of (most) people underestimate how much sleep kids need. A five year old still needs 10-11 hours a night. (I know, that means a very early bedtime!). Does she sometimes crash really early? Fall asleep in the car a lot? Those are some other signs that she just might not be getting enough rest — not a behavior issue at all. Good luck!
That is what I was going to say. There are websites that will list recommended hours of sleep for people of all ages. Also, I know of a child who would get up after his parents went to bed and he’d play. They parents found out b/c of the child’s sibling. Those are things I’d check for first.