Q&A: Morning Wake-Up HELP!
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Occasionally, readers write with questions that I know others might be able to add to or benefit from. Today we’re talking about morning wake-up help and how to get kids ready and out the door.
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Q. I am hoping that you can help me (and possibly other readers as well) find some ideas for getting my 5 year old out of bed and dressed in the morning. As much as I wish it were otherwise, I have to wake her up around 6am. Every morning its a struggle and it often takes 30 to 45 minutes to get her up. I’ve even resorted to waking her up earlier (5:45am) to allow for this. It still doesn’t help much. I am late to work nearly every day. My boss has not said anything to me at this
point, but it certainly isn’t healthy for my career. In the fall, my daughter will start Kindergarten and the time crunch will be even more important so she won’t miss the bus.
Getting out of bed isn’t even the only problem. Having her get dressed in a timely fashion takes nearly as long!
I have tried punishments – doesn’t work. I’ve tried incentives – works for a short period of time only.
I’m just about at my wits end. Can you or your readers supply any ideas for helping my sleepy girl get going in the morning?
Thanks so much,
Sara
A. Hi Sara,
While I don’t often have the same challenge you do since we homeschool, there are mornings when I need to get the crew “up and at ’em” at an early hour to drive to a class, doctor’s appointment, field trip, or test. I can certainly understand your struggle and can assure you that you are not alone. I know there are plenty of moms in the same boat with us.
When I know that we need to get going early, my preparation begins the night before. I have the kids pack their backpacks, lay out their clothes, and put their shoes and bags by the door. We also try to make sure the house is relatively tidy before we go to bed that night because messes slow us down tremendously. I also pack lunches the night before AND make breakfast. Even something as simple as setting out bowls, spoons, cups, and cereal boxes seems to save time in the morning.
As for physically waking kiddos up, I try to make sure that they go to bed early so that they are getting enough sleep and feeling rested when they do wake up. And, truth be told, some of my boys prefer to sleep in their (clean) clothes so that they don’t have to mess with getting dressed on a busy morning. They literally roll out of bed ready for the day.
Well, there is the wet comb to deal with the bed head, but you get my drift.
These are things that work for our family to get up and out the door in time for classes and appointments. However, that doesn’t mean we/I always do them. In fact just yesterday we needed to get on the road by 8 and there was a fair amount of hustle, bustle, and smoke coming out Mama’s ears. We can have great plans and things still not turn out the way they should.
These tips certainly don’t address any deeper issues like if your daughter is willfully disobeying. But, my guess is that if she’s got adequate sleep and her stuff all laid out for her, then it should be a little easier. But, I myself had a kid who stayed in bed (awake) for 45 minutes while I was getting ready because he just didn’t want to go with the plan. I feel your pain.
One thing that I’ve realized with my younger kids is that they still need help sometimes when I think they should be able to do it on their own. So, perhaps you can help her get ready or invite her to get ready in your room while you get ready for the day. A little companionship could go a long way.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. But, please know I wouldn’t want you to do it “my way” just ’cause. I hope that you can discover what’s best for you and your daughter.
Dear Readers, it’s your turn.
We homeschool now, but when I taught in a traditional school, I observed children who were not getting enough sleep at night. I echo the others comments about making sure she is well rested. We have one who can be slow to get ready to go any time of the day, so I try to allow plenty of extra time before we head out the door.
I gave my daughter a digital clock when she was little she couldn’t tell time but she knew when the 1st number was 8 it was time for bed and when the 1st number was 7 it was time to get up. She used to be an early bird- now that she goes to school she doesn’t like to get moving in the morning- it’s a little easier when the sun it out- open the blinds- also I have to make sure the room is not too cold or she doesn’t want to get out the warm bed!
We also use TV or computer time as a kind of reward for getting ready. My little man can’t watch his shows or play until he has gotten dressed and eaten his breakfast. It’s usually enough of an incentive to get him going pretty quickly. That being said, I have to be on the ball–have his clothes picked out ahead of time, breakfast on the table and ready to eat–before he gets up (or at least shortly thereafter) so that he can have the tools to accomplish those goals. When we have to get going really early, I do find that giving him an opportunity to wake up for about 15 minutes before he has to start getting ready really helps. Of course, that means I have to get him up 15 minutes earlier :/ But it’s usually worth it! We have had to take disciplinary measures when he simply disobeys and doesn’t do what we’ve asked. Good luck! Mornings can really be tough!
Thank-you for posting this question. Mornings can be rough at our house. I loved reading all the ideas. I’m excited to put into practice the ones that will work for us. What I would love to hear more about is from the mom’s who themselves are not morning people. I am not a morning person, and am really working on it, but that would be my question to the readers. My husband likes for me to go to bed with him so I try to. Plus if I work on something then I get energized and am worthless the next day. So I am trying to figure out a new system that works for me and our family. However, I can relate to the ’20 hours of sleep and still can’t get up’. Any tips from the other non morning people? (I actually really do prefer to get up in the early morning b/c I’m more productive, but it usually only works for a day or two before I am dragging all day and then it defeats the purpose.)
We are all night owls here. What helps me is having a dual alarm clock, purposely set 23 minutes fast. That way when the first alarm goes off and I look over, there is that initial panic that I’ve overslept. Then I remember it is fast and I’m literally doing math in my head to see how much time I have left. Ten minutes later the next alarm goes off, but is set to the radio, really loud. As for the boy, we open his blinds to let in light 30 minutes before his alarm clock goes off (playing his favorite get up and go music). It helps that he has recently discovered DragonVale – he can’t check on his dragons if he isn’t ready for school.
Crazily enough, I use this routine to help our child get ready as independently as possible. I went to google it, and then realized I learned it here (before I even subscribed to the blog.)
http://lifeasmom.com/2009/10/kids-chores-and-routines-simple-yet.html
It’s made a world of difference (we wrote the word INDEPENDENCE at the bottom, and it’s really more about morning routine than bedtime for us.)
That’s so funny!
My youngest just started kindergarten and I didn’t think he’d be able to get up since he was a late riser, but we adjusted his bedtime so that he’s typically easy to rouse by 7 am or he sometimes just wakes up a little earlier on his own. Early bedtime is CRITICAL. In the morning, I typically will put a light on in the hallway about 15-20 mins prior to wake up time – not sure it helps but ambient light supposedly triggers the waking up cycle (I do shut it off though when I go in to wake him up because bright light makes him really really cranky – understandably!). As I go about my morning routine I will open the boys’ bedroom door so they hear household noises that will start to rouse them. 10 mins to my hard/fast wake up time I will go in and gently say time to wake up in a sing song type of voice and do the same a tad bit louder 5 mins later if no stirring – 99% of the time this gets them up and stirring. I then do let the boys sit on the couch and wake up before they eat, but I’m sure that won’t work for everyone esp if you want them getting dressed first. I just have found a good routine of letting them wake up slower, I get their breakfast ready so they are eating between 10-15 minutes later, then clean up, bathroom, get dressed (clothes already laid out), brush teeth and wash faces. While they are eating I usually finish up lunches and backpacks (I do most prep the night before so this doesn’t take too long) and they are ready to go. From start to finish its 55 minutes (and honestly its an easy 55 mins!) and 3 months since my youngest joined our routine, he’s got it down pat – no rushing, no arguments or anything. I warn them about time – I have times that I know they need to be finished with bfast, finished with dressing and I want everyone’s coats and shoes on by a certain time so we always have 10 mins or so of leeway before bus comes (for that last minute “I forgot it was share day” or “I have to go poop” moments). Our mornings are sooo much easier. I do work but from home, so I find by getting up much earlier than the kids and reviewing emails before they are up, I am ready to hit the ground running. Maybe your boss would let you consider working from home a day or two or maybe you could go in later if you were able to get up earlier yourself, check emails and then give your daughter a little later rise time while still putting in your same amount of hours. I also know I can’t get myself ready while getting the kids ready. I can pack a lunch or check emails or whatever while they are eating or dressing but I can’t shower or get to engrossed in anything – I keep my eye on the clock and give gentle reminders “k boys, 5 more minutes and plates to the sink please” and it seems to work!
Mornings are an ongoing struggle at our house, too – in part because I am not a morning person, and I get my best quality sleep after DH gets up (he’s the early riser in the family — and the snorer). Makes it awfully difficult to get up earlier than the kid and have quiet quality time, then get her up and going, etc. We do a lot of the suggestions listed above — even though I am currently looking for some way to reduce the amount of time packing lunches takes in the evening because dishes/lunches/etc. are taking for-ev-er of my time then. I will note, for those of you suggesting the “sleep in your clothes”/”let the kid go in pajamas” options: schools have regulations that will not let kids attend in pajamas, and will send them back home with you. And letting a kid who has problems with bedwetting sleep in the clothes they’ve independently picked out for the next day is inviting disaster. Neither option is a true timesaver. 🙂
I like the parenting with love and logic approach of letting the consequences teach the child responsibility. It’s hard in some cases, but worth it in the end. The book goes over specifics which I really like. I know they addressed this specific issue of getting children out of bed. And how to let natural consequences encourage children. We’ve started using the love and logic approach with our boys more and it’s really making a difference! Hope that helps – Good luck! Parenting’s tough but worth it!
Hello Sara,
I did this same routine when my daughter was little. A couple of things helped. I loved Fishmama’s ideas and wish I had them back then, however, I put together a schedule for my daughter and taped it to her door. Each step (brushing teeth, getting dressed had a picture to accompany it). Secondly, she ate in the car. Most of the time she wasn’t hungry first thing but I didn’t want to send her to daycare without breakfast so I packed something portable like a smootly for our short car ride. Good luck!
Something that helps right now (winter) in my house is making sure the house is not too cold. We have the thermostat set to heat up the house a bit before the kids get up, then it goes back down once the oldest is on his way to school. If he is cold, he will NOT get out from under the covers. It is worth it to us to pay the extra heating cost to get him up and going without a fuss. My son (just turned 6 yo) used to be a terror in the mornings, but as he has taken over more responsibility in the mornings he has become so much better. He does everything on his own except make his breakfast, and that is what he needed to do it on time. If I try to intervene or direct something, he will dig in and we will be late. It’s nice that he can be so independent, but sometimes I wish he were a bit more compliant.