Planning Quality Time with Each Child

Planning one on one time with each child, particularly in a large family, can be tricky. But, it’s not impossible. Planning quality time with each kid is so worth the effort! Get to know your children in a different way when you plan solo time with each.

Are you wondering how to plan quality, one on one time with your kids? Like with each child individually? 

This can be tricky, particularly in a large family when there is not always a lot of margin in the day or in the budget. When you had that first baby, you had plenty of one-on-one time, but as more children join the fold, it can be a little tricky to make sure that everyone gets a piece of Mom.

However, I suspect that parents with one child still struggle to make sure they’re getting intentional “solo time” with their kid, so we’ll consider it a universal challenge. 

Just as married couples need to be intentional about their time together (see: weekly date night), so we parents need to be intentional to connect with our children as individuals as well. We all know that quality time is a good thing for kids and parents alike, but how do we pull it off?

It’s easy for the days to disappear. You think you have all the time in the world but then life happens. And you find yourself in a seemingly different life then the one when you first started your family.

While you can’t stop the world from turning, you can get intentional about spending one on one time with each child.

Why Plan One on One Time with Your Kids

Your child is unique. As such, it’s worth your time to get to know him or her as an individual.

Your kid acts different in a group. We all do. In The Four Loves, CS Lewis makes the case for group dynamics, “In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out.” By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity.”

The reverse is also true, there are aspects of our children that we see when their siblings are absent. We want to know this part of them as well.

One on One Time doesn’t just happen, though. You’ll have to be intentional to make quality time happen. This is a great thing to add to your time budget!

Core memory, 2016:

We were driving home from Santa Barbara this weekend. FishChick napped most of the way thanks to the Dramamine that saves us from vomit along the way. She woke when we pulled up at In-N-Out Burger for lunch.

The first words she says, in that beautiful, fresh-from-nap, rested voice are, “Mama! There are only four days left until my coffee walk!”

Be still my heart. You see, coffee walks are something I came up with a few weeks ago as my new and improved adaptation of Lunch Lessons. Each week one child goes on a walk with me to our local Starbucks. It’s a good walk, almost two miles round trip. We get exercise, plenty of time to talk, and a little treat in the middle.

And how beautiful that this is the thing that she thinks of and shouts about upon waking from a nap!

I share this story not because I am such an expert at planning quality time with my kids. Au contraire. I’ve been hit or miss with this practice over the years. But, now that I’m getting up there in age 😉 I’m realizing how important this is and WHAT A BIG THING IT IS TO MY KIDS.

Even now with my home kids aged 18 to 25, they all still enjoy having mom time! Keep at it!

Tips for Planning Quality Time with Each Child

Ove the years we’ve created different weekly rhythms so that Bryan and I are each getting time with each child in a focused way. Here are some that have worked well:

Dinner with Dad

When the kids were little, my husband made it a priority to set aside one night every week to take one child out to dinner. This works on a rotating basis and the kids know whose turn is whose each week. 

This is on the calendar like clockwork, illness and holidays excepted. For those of us at home that night I planned meals that night that my husband or the child in question didn’t like. Ha!

When we started this practice, a fast food dinner for two cost $15. Times have changed, so you may want to try some more affordable options.

Lunch Lessons

Prior to our month’s trip to France, I primed the kids for international dining, using forks and napkins, and ordering in a restaurant by taking each child out to lunch for “lunch lessons“. They loved this experience and it really did help us prepare for the trip.

If you can swing the time and cash for lunches out, this is a great option.

Coffee Walks

A cheaper alternative to lunch out was a walk to the nearby coffee shop. Walk to Starbucks, sit and chat and eat a treat, and then walk home. Not only do you both get exercise, but you’re getting a lengthy time to chat. It’s working super well!

Reluctant kids may not be eager to walk the first time, but by the end, after you’ve unpacked all kinds of fears and goals, you may all see it differently.

Mom + Child Errands

One of the gifts my husband has given me over the years is the opportunity to run errands by myself. Believe me, there have been plenty of times when I grocery shopped with six kids in tow, but whenever possible, he has given me a free pass to go by myself.

If you don’t already ask this of your husband, consider doing so. And then once you get in the swing of it, take just one child with you, so that you can chat, grocery shop together, and basically do life together, one-on-one. 

While grocery shopping might not seem like “quality time” on the face of it, it can be a good experience for both of you, particularly if you’re making it a point to converse and catch up.

Baby’s Naptime/Late Nighters

The baby/toddler naptime window is a great chance to catch up with a school age child, play a game, read a book, or otherwise connect in a focused, individual way.

I know some parents without nappers who let the kids take turns, one child staying up later than the others to hang out with the parents, watch a movie, read a book, and connect that way.

Daily Snippets of Fun

Without leaving the house or spending extra money, you can still grab snatches of time to connect with your child and spend quality time. 

• Color together while the others are busy. 
• Play games in addition to homeschool lessons or homework.
• Prepare dinner and tell stories.
• Learn to make crepes or bake another fun treat together.
• Fly a kite.
• Have a snowball fight, weather permitting.
• Read a book together.
• Do a craft.

There are lots of ways to make daily tasks fun to enjoy together. My kids (generally) love to cook or help with projects. Usually the problem is making it a focused individual time.

Each family will find what works for them when they make it a priority.

Carpe diem

You may not be able to work it out like clockwork to make quality time with each child. There are seasons for everything, and sometimes it just doesn’t work out the way you want.

However, when we keep our eyes out for opportunities for quality time, we find that there really is time to take the Birthday Boy out for a mocha or to go for a walk without the whole herd, or just to find a quiet corner to chat and read a book. 

The time spent alone with your child will give you so many opportunities to learn what’s important to him or her, generate ideas and goals for the future, and allow them the chance to know you better as well.

I don’t think you could ever spend too much quality time with your kids. How do YOU plan quality time with each child?

More Family Fun

This post was originally published on January 24, 2016. It has been updated for content and clarity.