Q&A: Morning Wake-Up HELP!
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Occasionally, readers write with questions that I know others might be able to add to or benefit from. Today we’re talking about morning wake-up help and how to get kids ready and out the door.
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Q. I am hoping that you can help me (and possibly other readers as well) find some ideas for getting my 5 year old out of bed and dressed in the morning. As much as I wish it were otherwise, I have to wake her up around 6am. Every morning its a struggle and it often takes 30 to 45 minutes to get her up. I’ve even resorted to waking her up earlier (5:45am) to allow for this. It still doesn’t help much. I am late to work nearly every day. My boss has not said anything to me at this
point, but it certainly isn’t healthy for my career. In the fall, my daughter will start Kindergarten and the time crunch will be even more important so she won’t miss the bus.
Getting out of bed isn’t even the only problem. Having her get dressed in a timely fashion takes nearly as long!
I have tried punishments – doesn’t work. I’ve tried incentives – works for a short period of time only.
I’m just about at my wits end. Can you or your readers supply any ideas for helping my sleepy girl get going in the morning?
Thanks so much,
Sara
A. Hi Sara,
While I don’t often have the same challenge you do since we homeschool, there are mornings when I need to get the crew “up and at ’em” at an early hour to drive to a class, doctor’s appointment, field trip, or test. I can certainly understand your struggle and can assure you that you are not alone. I know there are plenty of moms in the same boat with us.
When I know that we need to get going early, my preparation begins the night before. I have the kids pack their backpacks, lay out their clothes, and put their shoes and bags by the door. We also try to make sure the house is relatively tidy before we go to bed that night because messes slow us down tremendously. I also pack lunches the night before AND make breakfast. Even something as simple as setting out bowls, spoons, cups, and cereal boxes seems to save time in the morning.
As for physically waking kiddos up, I try to make sure that they go to bed early so that they are getting enough sleep and feeling rested when they do wake up. And, truth be told, some of my boys prefer to sleep in their (clean) clothes so that they don’t have to mess with getting dressed on a busy morning. They literally roll out of bed ready for the day.
Well, there is the wet comb to deal with the bed head, but you get my drift.
These are things that work for our family to get up and out the door in time for classes and appointments. However, that doesn’t mean we/I always do them. In fact just yesterday we needed to get on the road by 8 and there was a fair amount of hustle, bustle, and smoke coming out Mama’s ears. We can have great plans and things still not turn out the way they should.
These tips certainly don’t address any deeper issues like if your daughter is willfully disobeying. But, my guess is that if she’s got adequate sleep and her stuff all laid out for her, then it should be a little easier. But, I myself had a kid who stayed in bed (awake) for 45 minutes while I was getting ready because he just didn’t want to go with the plan. I feel your pain.
One thing that I’ve realized with my younger kids is that they still need help sometimes when I think they should be able to do it on their own. So, perhaps you can help her get ready or invite her to get ready in your room while you get ready for the day. A little companionship could go a long way.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. But, please know I wouldn’t want you to do it “my way” just ’cause. I hope that you can discover what’s best for you and your daughter.
Dear Readers, it’s your turn.
When my son was in school every morning was terrible. He is not a morning person much like myself and add to that he didn’t like school and getting him up was a fight. I solved our problem actually quite easily, a shower first thing in the morning. I would carry him in to the bathroom with just a nightlight on, no harsh lights. Put him in a nice warm shower and set the timer for 5 minutes. When the timer went off I went in and asked what he wanted for breakfast and set the timer for 5 more minutes. When that timer went off he needed to get out of the shower and get dressed. By the time he was dressed I had breakfast ready for him to eat. He then went to brush his teeth and hair. And then we could be ready to leave in minutes. Even now that we have two boys I still find this way works if I need to get them up early, we homeschool now so mornings are optional.
With the moms I work with I always suggest having a logical consequence for the child making a good choice to comply with the plan. What does your child like to do? Once they complete the tasks that they need to do before you are out the door, then allow that to happen. Often times it might be a TV show – but other times, maybe it can be a quick card game, time snuggling on the sofa before heading out on a busy day or doing a word search together. If your child wants time with you, then make that happen. If you need to be up just a little earlier so you can take that time, then I would say it is a small price to pay for not having to nag and badger your child! That is more exhausting than losing 15 minutes of sleep, in my opinion!
I recommend an “alarm” clock (CD or iPod) that goes off with gentle uplifting music about 5 minutes before you need to enter the room. Something like Jack Johnson’s Curious George album works nicely. Instead of YOU being the one to nudge her to consciousness, let Jack do it. Come in and sit on the bed for a minute and maybe sing along. Using the SAME song everday also helps establish a routine. My daughter responded better to waking up to the music than to me rousing her myself. Hope this helps.
I had the same issue with my girls. They are now 7 and 9. We still need to remind them of our rule, especially after a long break, but it never fails if I don’t. We made a rule in our house,after many morning struggles, that if you are not downstairs ready to go by 7am then you go to bed at 7pm that night. Their bedtime is 8, so it is a big deal. It only takes one time of enforcement to get it to work. I agree about having all things ready to go: clothes are picked out, lunches are made and bookbags are packed. Remember to remain calm and connected, no added stress from mom. Good luck!
I would recommend gradually easing back bedtime to an earlier time. My son is 5 and he needs 11-12 hours of sleep a night. I have a friend who lets her kids sleep in their clothes (so they bathe, and change into the clothes they will wear the next day before bed and then sleep in them). I would try to have something special in the AM going on. Maybe a cup of cocoa, or a 10 minute moring snuggle and book reading with Mom. A favorite breakfast…something to make getting up desireable.
Wow! Thanks for all the advice! My situation has changed quite a bit since I emailed my question to Jessica. We moved closer into town which cut down dramatically on the morning commute. Plus now that she is in Kindergarten, her bus picks her up at 7:25. These have made a big difference. I don’t wake her up until 6:25.
I’m not sure if my daughter is simply not a morning person or if she needs sleep. I’ve been putting her to bed at 8am and she’s usually asleep by 8:30. I am willing to move that bedtime back to 7:30 or 7:45 which will give her closer to 11 hours of sleep.
I tried the alarm clock, but she would literally sleep for 20 minutes with the alarm buzzing. We have a small house and I couldn’t take it 🙂
I have found that laying down in the bed with her in the morning and talking to her, rubbing her arm, etc actually helps her wake up easier. (Unfortunately, I am battling a disc problem in my back and have a lot of trouble doing this right now). I also love the warm washcloth idea. I may have to try that 🙂
I already get things ready the night before (clothes, bookbag). The biggest challenge I face is making sure lunch is ready (I’m working on it!).
I have seen improvements, and I think I will continue to see them as we work on being more organized overall.
Thanks Jessica for featuring my question and thank you everyone for all the responses!
That would be an 8pm bedtime, not an 8am one 🙂
I’m glad things have improved!
My 6 and 3 1/2 year old have to be in bed by 7:30 (bedtime routine starts at 7) in order to be up at 6:30. My kids sleep changes (dramatically) with amount of sunlight, so don’t get frustrated if everything goes to pot as we get more daylight.
My daughter is a lot like yours in the morning. She is 6 and we started Kindergarten this year. We started out a little rough but things have improved slowly. I have found that giving her quiet time to get fully awake is the best. She will usually sit in the bathroom with me while I finish getting ready, I have her clothes and toothbrush ready for her and we slowly ween in to the process! Not “hounding” her has done wonders for us in the morning. She will usually brush her teeth when I do etc. etc. I try not to put myself in a rushed place so I can help her calmly! I know at some point that the hand holding will have to stop but at least I’m not pulling my hair out and I have managed to get to time at work! I am not a morning person at all and really like to have a half hour to myself before anyone talks to me…needless to say I know how she feels!
When we were figuring out how to get out the door with 2 babies ( twins on our first pregnancy!), we made some choices. If we were committed to being on time, we would have to make personal sacrifices. My husband and I would get up early enough to be completely ready with the exception of eating. Then we would get the kids up and be available to help them move through their morning. We are still doing this in a modified way 8 1/2 years later. I will say that my dd is definitely more of a self starter. My ds shows his ADD first thing in the morning and I have to talk him through every step. I can certainly tell when I’m not ready because my patience wears much thinner. Hope this helps.
Never heard of the sleeping in clothes idea, but obviously it works for some. 🙂 Love the warm washcloth idea.
When my kids were little, say 3 or 4, I read the Jim Fay book, “Parenting with Love and Logic.” One thing I loved and remembered from it was giving choices, such as, “you can get up now or in two minutes.” “You can get dressed now, or you have to go to daycare/school in your jammies.” Granted, for some, going in jammies is no big deal. But if no one else at daycare is in them, it might become a big deal, and the issue might be fixed by time Kindergarten starts. Staying firm and only offering two choices that you can actually live with are key.
Best of luck. And remember to pick your battles. There will always be battles, small and large, but keeping sane is a good goal!
We’re big fans of Love and Logic at our house, too. The focus should be on keeping the responsibility on your kids. In our house, that means saying things like “breakfast is served until X time. Please feel free to join us.” If my daughter chooses to dawdle, she may miss breakfast. It sounds harsh, but the daycare serves food within a half hour of arrival. Likewise, if you don’t have your shoes on, you may find yourself walking to the car barefoot. That’s fine in the summer, but less fun in the winter when the garage floor is freezing!
WOW, sorry for my book LOL