To Be More Joyful: Get a Reality Check
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You’re frustrated. You want to be the best mom that you can be. You want to manage your home simply, economically, and efficiently. But somehow things, people, circumstances aren’t cooperating with your master plan. And it is robbing you of joy.
You find yourself angry, impatient, and discontent. What do you do?
Complacency and a feeble shrug of the shoulders is not the answer. Neither is riding rough shod over everyone in the vicinity.
But getting a reality check can be.
Getting Real
One thing that helps me function better as a mom, wife, friend, homemaker, is to come to grips with reality.
I have four boys, under 13 years of age. When you have more than one boy, energy levels multiply exponentially. There are some things I have learned to accept:
- It will always be noisy at my house.
- The toilets and bathroom floors will rarely be spotless.
- Physical activity is going to rule the day over quiet occupations.
Accept the Acceptable
This is all good. (Except for the bathroom part, maybe.)
What makes it not good is if I don’t accept the nature of my household. Sure, we can have established quiet times. Sure, each young man can learn toilet cleaning techniques — and you better believe he will! Sure, each of my boys can learn to keep his hands, legs, feet to himself.
But, I need to have an accurate picture of my reality as a mother of many boys. If I buck the circumstances that aren’t really mine to change, I will find myself disgruntled at best, angry at worst.
I can be a more joyful mom if I embrace the things that make my family unique.
Get a reality check.
Consider the following:
- What are the circumstances in your home that “bug you?” Are they really wrong (in an ethical way) or are they simply annoyances?
- Are there ways to approach these situations other than how you currently react? Are you setting yourself up for frustration based on how you respond?
- If you could change something about your “life as MOM,” what would it be? Is it a realistic expectation of yourself, your family, this season of life?
Grow with it.
Obviously, there are aspects of our reality that are unacceptable. * There are always area to improve and grow. Getting an accurate picture of your reality will help you better determine the things that you can change and identify the areas where you and your family can grow.
Wearing rose colored glasses, or seeing things better than they are, is not reality. Neither is the Eeyore way of looking at life. Woe is me….
But if we can think on what is true, accept the acceptable, and grow ourselves and our families in those areas in need of improvement, I think that each of us can find more joy in “life as MOM.”
Where are you bucking the reality of your circumstances? What’s another way of looking at it?
You said it! I have three kids and sometimes the noise and mess can get to me. Lately, I’ve learned to stop and look around and ask “is there anything actually wrong here?” Usually, the answer is “no.” Just pausing and recalibrating my perspective can lighten my load.
My son’s started having better bathroom habits when they had to clean the bathroom. And if their bad habits didn’t improve, they couldn’t rotate out of that job until the bad was gone. Its amazing how quickly they acquired good habits. Even the younger ones can clean the “throne” on the seat and under the seat with disinfectant wipes…oh and around the base of the toilet.
I would change being able to become a MOM. Infertility is no fun. =(
Oh, Susan. I feel ya. We had three miscarriages back in 1999, and I remember the heartache of no baby. Hang in there!
This hit home for me.
As the mom to 3 boys, 16, 11 & 3, & wife to one large man child, my house is in a constant state of chaos & physical activity is the norm. I think they are all going to be pro wrestlers when they grow up.
Oiyve!
You helped me realize I just need to take it down a notch & realize my joy!
I have two very quiet girls and one little man who talks from the moment he wakes up until the moment that he cannot hold his eyes open any longer. It is a struggle to not want my son to also be quiet and to realize that not only is he a boy but he is the way that God has made him-and he is fearfully and wonderfully made.
Speaking of being made, Mama must go now and speak to him about a kind voice.
Just recently discovered your blog- and I’m loving it! This post is great. I have 3 kids- 2 girls ages 6 and 3 and a 2 year old boy, and 2 big dogs. My house is usually pretty noisy, and the minute I vacuum and clean up it’s messed up again. I’m trying to come to grips with that reality and it is very hard for me. I feel like I’m the only one who puts things away or even notices the mess and toys everywhere. Thank you for reminding me that life is life and it’s time to accept what things are annoyances but not a true problem! I’ll keep working on it!
Thank you for your post today… it really speaks to me. I long for the days when I had a LOUD and busy boy! He used to bounce a ball all day long and it would get on my nerves bigtime. Now he is a teenager and can’t stand to be at home. (Actually, he does show up to eat and sleep and does bring friends over but they hightail it to his bedroom upstairs). I know this is just his way of cutting the apron strings and I have to remind myself not to take it personally. Luckily I am in a mom’s group where all our boys are the same age and we can share our feelings. You are sharing today and it will help a lot of moms!! Enjoy all the moments… they are fleeting.
Thank you for THAT reality check. So true!
We have two girls and our house is just as noisy. I don’t mind it but my husband does and that bring anxiety. So, how do you handle other’s stress from stressing you out?
@Susie’s Homemade, I have the same problem. I feel like my husband needs the reality check! 🙂
I’ll let you know when I figure that out.
OOPS, I didn’t mean to submit yet. Anyway, thank you for reminding me that unrealistic expectations add to my lack of joy.
You are so right! I also have four boys, under the age of 8. I think the thing I have the hardest time accepting is their noisy childishness. Yes, I actually keep expecting (ridiculously) that they will be more mature than their age andQUIETER