Breastfeeding Expectations Plus My Story of Nursing 6 Babies
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Exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months is generally recommended. Today I share my story with breastfeeding as well as what a new mom might expect.
This post was originally posted on May 1, 2012. The comments are so rich with experiences from a wonderful group of ladies who were kind enough to share their stories, I thought it would be good to bump this to the top.
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I breastfed all six kids. Exclusively. For the first six months.
I don’t say that to brag. I know many, many women who for a variety of reasons are unable to make breastfeeding work for them and their families. And I totally respect that.
The key principle is that your baby is well fed. Methods may differ.
Rather, I share my story because I want to give hope to new moms out there.
I know that I am probably in a minority in how I fed my babies. Recently, I read some statistics that showed me what a small population out there does six months exclusive breastfeeding. Recommended, but not often done.
I didn’t set out to do it any “special” way. I was not/am not a militant “breast is best” proponent. I never attended a La Leche League meeting. I only got halfway through the big breastfeeding handbooks, and then I felt like I was doing it all wrong.
But, I was the milk wagon for my babies. And I lived to tell the tale.
For the first six months of their lives, I continued to “eat for two” and be their main, no, their only source of sustenance.
Folks warned us with our first baby that if we didn’t give him a bottle in the first six weeks that he would never take one. The implication was that our lives would be ruined. Forever.
Honestly, it was so difficult and painful in those first few weeks of nursing, there was no way I was going to jeopardize his latch or my milk supply (so hard earned by that point) so that maybe, someday, we might leave him home with a babysitter for longer than two hours.
The first one never got a bottle. Neither did the others. At six months of age, they started some solids and started to learn about sippy cups with water. They nursed until they were a year old.
This isn’t the “right” way. This is just the way we did it.
Granted, I was a homebody. And I had chosen to be a stay-at-home mom. My expectations were simply that I would breastfeed my baby. So I did.
Did I go away for the weekend with my girl friends? No, but I never did that before he was born, either. Did I feel annoyed that he wanted to nurse every two to three hours? No, my type-A self needed someone to make me sit and rest before I overdid it. Did I spend lots of money on nursing clothes? No, tshirts and jeans have been my uniform for years.
Breastfeeding felt natural. At least, thank the Lord, after those first three weeks. Once you get through the “bite-your-lip-and-suffer-through-the-pain” stage. Yeah, I know, it’s not supposed to be painful. But, it was for a time. Just saying.
So, if you’re a new or expecting mom interested in breastfeeding your baby, here are some things to consider:
1. It probably won’t be easy.
Few good things in life are “easy,” especially those things that you are just learning. Be prepared for challenges and setbacks.
This applies to breastfeeding, but yes, it basically applies to your entire parenting career, too. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, your baby will have a growth spurt, cut a tooth, get sick, or learn to drive.
Be ready to be challenged.
2. Your life won’t be your own.
Since I chose exclusive breastfeeding, mostly on demand, and opted out of bottle feeding, my time was not my own. Neither was my diet. I knew that if I went someplace without the baby, I would need to be back within the three hour window. With practice and planning, I was still able to get out and do things, but I was mindful that someone else depended on me.
And that I might get a call on my cell phone that was simply the sound of the baby crying.
I took daily vitamins, ate a balanced diet, avoided much, if any, drinking, and basically took that “eating for two” thing pretty seriously. As such, I probably took better care of myself than I had before children and in some seasons since breastfeeding has ceased.
That said, the fact that someone else depended on me was good for me. And taking care of my physical health, well, that was a pretty good thing, too.
And your life? Well, as a mom, you have a new life, shared with the people you love. It won’t be your “own”, but it will be good.
3. It really isn’t as long as it seems.
It’s so easy to count the days away, waiting for the baby to wean, start solids, sleep through the night. In the middle of it, it does seem like it will go on forever. But, it won’t.
That baby there will be eight years old next month. I still wear those pants. See? My Old Navy yoga pants have outlasted three babies breastfeeding. The time goes quickly!
The last nursing session will pass and you may or may not even realize that it’s the last. Last things are like that. They flee silently and quickly. And far sooner than you thought you were ready for them.
Life is like that.
4. It’s totally worth it.
Breastfeeding certainly wasn’t easy. I’ve had my share of late nights, mastitis, engorgement, blisters, and what-have-you. I probably cried and complained more than I remember. My life wasn’t my “own”, but despite the demands and the crying baby phone calls, it was good.
I had a closeness with my babies, an understanding of their needs, and a super power — that my husband did not possess — to comfort them when they needed me. It was very right for me to breastfeed, especially in keeping me connected with my kids and not off doing “projects” as I might have been drawn to, instead.
The days have passed all too quickly. I had a nursing baby for a good 12 to 13 years of my life. Yet, my baby-Baby is on her way to 4 years old. That last nursing session is long gone — and I do not remember it.
While I don’t believe I won any brownie points for breastfeeding, and I’m not sure that my kids’ more-or-less good health is attributed to nursing, I know that I do not regret it. Going without bottles or formula didn’t ruin us. I have wonderful memories of my breastfeeding daze. Amnesia? Perhaps. But, I know I would do it all over again.
And if it’s something you want, barring medical issues, I think you can do it, too.
Obviously, if you are away from your baby for the day due to work or school, then you’ll want to do that bottle thing, but don’t think it’s too hard to breastfeed exclusively. It really is doable!
It’s hard and it’s good at the same time.
That’s the mystery of motherhood.
If you’re a veteran mom, we would love to hear your breastfeeding story. I know that there are many situations where moms wish it had been different or better and many moms for whom breastfeeding did not work, despite their best intentions. I really want this post to be an encouragement to new moms. So, please temper any challenges you might want to share with a heavy dose of encouragement and optimism. Any bashing or absolute horror stories are subject to deletion. Thanks for understanding.
Thank you SO much for giving a very even & honest look at this. There are SO many “militants” as you mention and I think it makes it harder on new moms! I desperately wanted to exclusively nurse my kiddos, but discovered that I actually have a medical reason making it impossible for me to do so. It was devastating. Here’s my whole story with it: http://www.momendeavors.com/2011/03/when-breastfeeding-doesnt-work-part-1.html
I wish I would have found posts like yours at the time to get some less judgmental, honest portrayal of things!!!
I have three children. I wanted to nurse my firstborn so badly, but we just could not get the hang of it. I guess we gave up too early. The nurse was horrible, she even wanted to cut the bottom part of my daughter’s tongue because she thought that was the problem. UGH! My son came along less than two years later and I tried once again, but I figured out that I am the one that is not comfortable. So I spoke with the nurses (in a birthing center) and I tried pumping. I had so much milk I could feed every baby there I think! So I pumped and bottle fed my first son for about eleven months! I still felt the connection to him because I was feeding him exclusively until he started on some baby food. My husband could get up at night and feed him, so he could still feel that connection also. We could go out at night and we did not feel so attached. My second son was born eleven weeks early, so I had no choice but to pump in the beginning while he was in the NICU. I pumped until he was about seven months old. We even had to go buy a deep freezer because I had so much milk!
Every mom and baby is different. Every situation is different. However you feel comfortable is how you should proceed. There are options and I will forever be grateful to the nurse who suggested pumping and bottle feeding.
I’m a working mom and managed to nurse my first 2 children for 12+ months. They were both in the NICU after birth and had to start with bottles. We overcame the hurdle of introducing nursing and was able to nurse until they were ready to quit! Its totally worth it! #3 will be arriving this summer and plan to do the same thing. All I can say is the Medela Freestyle pump rocks my socks off!
I was just nursing my very tall 16 month old before naptime thinking, I don’t think that I will regret nursing her, even though lately I feel a little over the nursing thing. She never liked a bottle and now she can tug at my shirt in public and say “urse, peeeeeeaaase”, and shows no signs of wanting to wean anytime soon. I love nursing, but sometimes I want to just want to be done!
I breastfed my 1st two children. We tried for a 3rd for a lot longer than I wanted to and during that dry spell I was with a friend while she was nursing her baby and the sounds of nursing almost made me cry, it made me want to nurse a baby again so badly it almost hurt. There is such a special bond with your baby when you are forced to sit and hold them close for 6-8 times a day! It is worth the 3 weeks of toe curling pain!
What a great post. I gave up nursing Jackjack (the chewer) after just a couple of weeks. Never felt guilty and never looked back. When Little Peanut came along, I wanted to try again…and we were successful! Going back to work complicated things a bit, but we just take it one day at a time. :o)
Great post, Jessica!
I nursed all 5 of mine exclusively for 6-9 months, depending on whether or not the baby would take any other foods. The total years of nursing was huge: almost 13 years, partly because of the children’s health issues.
It was a tiring, but I, too, valued the nursing time as a time to forget about the to-do list and just rest.
And it was challenging at times. Without support from La Leche League, I could not have done it, especially when I had too much milk for my second child, leading to dreadful colic. La Leche League’s support during this time was heaven-sent. If you have any issues with breast-feeding, I would definitely contact them…although I’ve heard that they are not the same organization they were.
I think more new moms need to hear it’s doable and it’s not one size fits all. It seems like many people have a bad experience and are made to feel like they are doing it wrong etc etc. On feeding #1 the lactation lady came in and asked her was I doing “it right.” She didn’t offer any guidance at all. SHe just gave me a breast shield and said use this. So I did. We ended up using the breast shield for 53 weeks. Yes everyone looked at me funny, but whatever, it worked and my baby was breastfeed past his first birthday. Yes I wish the lactation lady had offered me some guidance and support instead of the shield, but in the end I accomplished the goal I set out to, so it counts as a win!
Forgot a critical benefit – it’s MUCH CHEAPER!!! Formula is so super expensive – breastfeeding is WAY easier on the wallet. That always kept me going when nothing else did :).
Great post and an encouragement to me today, in the midst of still trying to get my baby girl to nurse well enough to be sustained by nursing alone at almost 4 weeks old. Thankfully, she is our 5th and I’ve been down this road before so I am able to keep it in perspective this time and have shed less tears…these newborn moments pass so quickly. Breastfeeding is wonderful, but, yes, it can be SO difficult!
My experience (in as few words as I can manage).
Baby #1 – Would not latch, we sought out lactation help for a few weeks but he just couldn’t get it, I was stressed out from being a new mom and opted to pump for 6.5 months.
Baby #2 – Struggled again, she would latch but was weak and did not have strength to suck, so back to pumping and bottle-feeding expressed milk. With lots of lactation support she caught on at 5 weeks and she nursed until 14 months.
Baby #3 – The kid was born and knew how to eat from the get-go and he nursed until 16 months.
Baby #4 – We thought things were going well, until he was about 10 days old and I just had a check in my spirit and felt the urgency for a weight check. He had dropped 1 lb. so I started pumping and bottle-feeding again, though I was greatly discouraged. At 2 weeks old he was admitted to the hospital for a fever and infection, which could have contributed to the poor nursing. Anyway, when he was getting well nursing did not improve, but I kept with pumping and bottle-feeding and he finally got it at 7.5 weeks and wasn’t weaned until 18 months.
Now Baby #5 – seemed to have a great latch and suck right after birth, but dropped almost a pound by 5 days old. So I’m back to attempting to nurse her several times a day, pumping and bottle feeding. I am praying we can get successful sometime soon. The biggest challenge this time around is simply the time it takes to do all that trying, pumping, bottle-feeding and then washing all the bottles and the challenge that is in managing the rest of my responsibilities as a mom.
Based on my experience, my advice to a new mom struggling would be:
1. Seek out skilled help (lactation consultants) and emotional & practical support from friends and family (you need cheerleaders, help with household tasks, a hand with bottle feeding or washing a couple times a day helps, too).
2. View the short term struggle as just that, keep your eye on the long-term benefit.
3. Enjoy that newborn baby because they grow so fast and there is so much more to being a great mom than how you are getting that baby fed….keep up the good work, Mom, you can do it! (I’m telling this to myself in this very moment).
It is so valuable that you’ve shared that pumping was a bridge solution for your family! So many people switch fully and never try to go back, and it’s encouraging to hear your story.