Breastfeeding Expectations Plus My Story of Nursing 6 Babies
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Exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months is generally recommended. Today I share my story with breastfeeding as well as what a new mom might expect.
This post was originally posted on May 1, 2012. The comments are so rich with experiences from a wonderful group of ladies who were kind enough to share their stories, I thought it would be good to bump this to the top.
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I breastfed all six kids. Exclusively. For the first six months.
I don’t say that to brag. I know many, many women who for a variety of reasons are unable to make breastfeeding work for them and their families. And I totally respect that.
The key principle is that your baby is well fed. Methods may differ.
Rather, I share my story because I want to give hope to new moms out there.
I know that I am probably in a minority in how I fed my babies. Recently, I read some statistics that showed me what a small population out there does six months exclusive breastfeeding. Recommended, but not often done.
I didn’t set out to do it any “special” way. I was not/am not a militant “breast is best” proponent. I never attended a La Leche League meeting. I only got halfway through the big breastfeeding handbooks, and then I felt like I was doing it all wrong.
But, I was the milk wagon for my babies. And I lived to tell the tale.
For the first six months of their lives, I continued to “eat for two” and be their main, no, their only source of sustenance.
Folks warned us with our first baby that if we didn’t give him a bottle in the first six weeks that he would never take one. The implication was that our lives would be ruined. Forever.
Honestly, it was so difficult and painful in those first few weeks of nursing, there was no way I was going to jeopardize his latch or my milk supply (so hard earned by that point) so that maybe, someday, we might leave him home with a babysitter for longer than two hours.
The first one never got a bottle. Neither did the others. At six months of age, they started some solids and started to learn about sippy cups with water. They nursed until they were a year old.
This isn’t the “right” way. This is just the way we did it.
Granted, I was a homebody. And I had chosen to be a stay-at-home mom. My expectations were simply that I would breastfeed my baby. So I did.
Did I go away for the weekend with my girl friends? No, but I never did that before he was born, either. Did I feel annoyed that he wanted to nurse every two to three hours? No, my type-A self needed someone to make me sit and rest before I overdid it. Did I spend lots of money on nursing clothes? No, tshirts and jeans have been my uniform for years.
Breastfeeding felt natural. At least, thank the Lord, after those first three weeks. Once you get through the “bite-your-lip-and-suffer-through-the-pain” stage. Yeah, I know, it’s not supposed to be painful. But, it was for a time. Just saying.
So, if you’re a new or expecting mom interested in breastfeeding your baby, here are some things to consider:
1. It probably won’t be easy.
Few good things in life are “easy,” especially those things that you are just learning. Be prepared for challenges and setbacks.
This applies to breastfeeding, but yes, it basically applies to your entire parenting career, too. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, your baby will have a growth spurt, cut a tooth, get sick, or learn to drive.
Be ready to be challenged.
2. Your life won’t be your own.
Since I chose exclusive breastfeeding, mostly on demand, and opted out of bottle feeding, my time was not my own. Neither was my diet. I knew that if I went someplace without the baby, I would need to be back within the three hour window. With practice and planning, I was still able to get out and do things, but I was mindful that someone else depended on me.
And that I might get a call on my cell phone that was simply the sound of the baby crying.
I took daily vitamins, ate a balanced diet, avoided much, if any, drinking, and basically took that “eating for two” thing pretty seriously. As such, I probably took better care of myself than I had before children and in some seasons since breastfeeding has ceased.
That said, the fact that someone else depended on me was good for me. And taking care of my physical health, well, that was a pretty good thing, too.
And your life? Well, as a mom, you have a new life, shared with the people you love. It won’t be your “own”, but it will be good.
3. It really isn’t as long as it seems.
It’s so easy to count the days away, waiting for the baby to wean, start solids, sleep through the night. In the middle of it, it does seem like it will go on forever. But, it won’t.
That baby there will be eight years old next month. I still wear those pants. See? My Old Navy yoga pants have outlasted three babies breastfeeding. The time goes quickly!
The last nursing session will pass and you may or may not even realize that it’s the last. Last things are like that. They flee silently and quickly. And far sooner than you thought you were ready for them.
Life is like that.
4. It’s totally worth it.
Breastfeeding certainly wasn’t easy. I’ve had my share of late nights, mastitis, engorgement, blisters, and what-have-you. I probably cried and complained more than I remember. My life wasn’t my “own”, but despite the demands and the crying baby phone calls, it was good.
I had a closeness with my babies, an understanding of their needs, and a super power — that my husband did not possess — to comfort them when they needed me. It was very right for me to breastfeed, especially in keeping me connected with my kids and not off doing “projects” as I might have been drawn to, instead.
The days have passed all too quickly. I had a nursing baby for a good 12 to 13 years of my life. Yet, my baby-Baby is on her way to 4 years old. That last nursing session is long gone — and I do not remember it.
While I don’t believe I won any brownie points for breastfeeding, and I’m not sure that my kids’ more-or-less good health is attributed to nursing, I know that I do not regret it. Going without bottles or formula didn’t ruin us. I have wonderful memories of my breastfeeding daze. Amnesia? Perhaps. But, I know I would do it all over again.
And if it’s something you want, barring medical issues, I think you can do it, too.
Obviously, if you are away from your baby for the day due to work or school, then you’ll want to do that bottle thing, but don’t think it’s too hard to breastfeed exclusively. It really is doable!
It’s hard and it’s good at the same time.
That’s the mystery of motherhood.
If you’re a veteran mom, we would love to hear your breastfeeding story. I know that there are many situations where moms wish it had been different or better and many moms for whom breastfeeding did not work, despite their best intentions. I really want this post to be an encouragement to new moms. So, please temper any challenges you might want to share with a heavy dose of encouragement and optimism. Any bashing or absolute horror stories are subject to deletion. Thanks for understanding.
I have been breastfeeding my 4 month old and it hasnt been easy for me. I actually wrote about my story recently here:
http://www.onedayatatime-kenia.blogspot.com/2012/04/feeding-my-babies.html
I think it is important as women to support each other through this time. Like you had said, there is not a right or wrong way. However, for moms that are trying to breastfeed it is not always easy and all help, support, encouragement and advice is needed sometimes.
I nursed my first dd for 11 months, my 2nd dd for 15 months, and my son for 21 months. It’s just what we did. I never really thought that much about it, but I’m oh-so-glad I got to do it.
I wrote a bit about our child-led weaning “approach” here. (It involves books!) —> http://www.hopeisthewordblog.com/2012/03/15/read-aloud-thursday-the-dlms-top-picks/
Great article. The “time is not your own” is especially important to remember. I know I get most frustrated with my kids when they are “intruding” on my to-do list (i.e. like right now, when I’m trying to type this, but my 9 month old guy wants to be held!). I’ve learned to do less and enjoy your family more!
I loved this post! I am currently nursing our sixth child who is seven months old. I’ve nursed all of my babies exclusively for the first six months, and then anywhere from 10-22 months total. Four of my babies have been “easy” nursers; Two have been *very* hard…and the hardest one was my sixth! It took a good month before she would latch on quickly, and I spent many nights with very little sleep trying all of the tricks to get her to calm down and nurse. I kept thinking that I should have this down pat by now, but my pediatrician told me, “There are two players in this game, and one is a rookie!” My advice for any mom trying to nurse (whether it’s your first or your tenth) is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Lactation consultant. Friend. Mom. Pediatrician. All of the above. There are lots of tricks to help with difficult newborns, and lactation consultants or veteran nursing moms can give you lots of tips. One other thing–even if you are not going to use a bottle, rent a breast pump for the first few weeks. It’s a life saver! Breastfeeding is so totally worth it. 🙂
I love this post. I am forwarding it to my sister-in-law who is about to give birth to her first baby. I have three kids, breastfeeding my 7-month-old currently. With my first daughter I was determined to breastfeed. No other woman in my family had done it and I knew how much money it would save us and how good it was for baby. However, I must admit the money thing was a big driving force. We had a very rough go of it in the beginning with sore nipples, cracking, mastitis, and some crazy engorement, but I pushed through it and she leared and I learned. One day it just clicked! None of my babies have had a bottle. I waited too long with number 1 because of all of the problems we had. I wanted to overcome those before I gave her a bottle, but by then she wouldn’t take one. It was totally fine with me. I know it was a bit crazy for a caregiver if I was away when she got hungry, but I hardly ever left her with anyone and I think I did a pretty good job of planning around her feedings. I also realized how quickly time goes by and how much I will cherish that time with them. What is a year in light of their whole lives? When number two and three came I just didn’t even bother with a bottle. It is so much easier to me to just put them on the breast. Nursing in public was a bit awkward at first, but practice makes perfect. People do stare a bit, but I agree with another poster that the more it is done in public the more accepting people will become of it. I don’t, however, like the guilt placed on moms for either not breastfeeding or for breastfeeding. There seems to be a double standard. The “you better do it, but don’t do it in public” attitude or the gasp of “your not breastfeeding, how could you” attitude. You have to do what works best for your family. Thank God there is formula for women who can’t breastfeed. Good luck to all the new moms. Find a friend or lactation consultant and don’t give up!
Good article!
I am a mom to 7 dc. My oldest is 14yrs and my youngest is 5mos. I wanted to be a SAHM from the start… just because that’s what I wanted to do. I wanted to breast feed my son so I did. I tried to give him a bottle once or twice but it was too hard so I gave up lol!
I laugh at this because I feel like I breast feed by default, it’s just easier for me and well, I’m a little lazy (though the first two weeks hurt!). I remember my mother fussing at me that I needed to give my first child a bottle so I could have some “me time” I remember thinking, “isn’t that what a shower is for?” I was just laid back about the whole thing.
Fast forward 14yrs as I sit and nurse my latest addition and I am surprised to hear that more women don’t exclusively breast feed, not because I’m some lactivist, but just because I’m lazy lol! If you can breast feed easily enough and you get to be at home (which isn’t for everyone, I know) , why not? (please note, I’m only suggesting this if it is what you WANT to do, not what you “should” do)
I exclusively breast feed my kids until they are around 7-10mos… Because I am lazy lol! I hate having to sit at the table and feed my baby 3 meals a day for very little gain. So, by waiting until the baby, has some teeth, is interested in food, has lost that annoying tongue thrust reflex, and can self feed (normally around 10mos) I just don’t bother. Once they can do these things they love sitting at the table with everybody and it’s fun for all of us. All my kids have thrived. I generally wean around 16mos, and it normally is a very simple process.
I never bought nursing clothes either. The only thing special I ever bought was a button up the front dress for a wedding we had to go to (family member) while I was nursing. Made that day just a little bit easier.
My 4th child was my hardest to nurse – I thought I had it all figured out by then. Turns out a lot of nursing is the baby not the mom. But we did it and I nursed her for a year.
After reading many of these comments, I just had to throw in my 2 cents’ worth. I am a first time mom exclusively nursing my 5-week old. I know this sounds very new, but you can’t believe the ups and downs we have already had.
I am a nurse and was adamant about breastfeeding exclusively. I was as concerned about nipple confusion as everyone else, but I also knew that I would eventually have to pump and give her bottles in order to go back to work. I actually had a really crappy experience in the hospital (my own hospital!) when she couldn’t latch on and my lactation consult was severely delayed. I was making lots of colostrum, but couldn’t get it to her. Add the stress of my baby being low birth weight (just under the 6 lb. mark) and the conflicting information I was getting about how long I should nurse at each time and I lost it. At this point, the nurses brought me a pump while I was (still) waiting on the lactation consult. I gave her a bottle of expressed milk without any qualms because I was so excited to get something into her.
The important thing is – yes, she had a bottle within the first 48 hours and yes, I had to use a nipple shield for a few weeks and yes, she took a pacifier, but guess what? She now takes my breast without the nipple shield and switches back and forth happily between breast and bottle no problem. She mostly gets bottles when we’re out (I’m not confident enough to nurse in public yet, but we’ll get there!) and occasionally so Dad can feed her and get some practice before I go back to work. She only every got 1/2 oz. of formula the day we left the hospital – for my convenience and sanity. Otherwise, she is exclusively breastfed by my definition and as long as she and I are happy about it, that’s all that matters.
Also – find out if your pediatrician has a lactation nurse. Mine did and she was a lifesaver!
I am a working mom who was a bank executive with a brand new baby…and I breastfed for the first year. Our daughter has never tasted formula. The key for us was a good Medela pump, plenty of ziplocked milk bags and a heavy dose of determination. I even pumped while away on business trips, packed my milk in a cooler and FedEx’ed it home to be delivered the next business morning. Was it inconvenient at times? Sure – but our daughter is happy and healthy and the benefits will last her a lifetime. I’d say that’s worth it. Thanks for a great article!
Fed’Exed it home????!!!! That is truly the sweet fierce love of a mother. 🙂
Fed Ex? That is impressive!
Love this post!
I really wish I had been warned just how much it can hurt. With my son, nursing was a real struggle but I was determined that I would do all I could to make it work.
Out of pure stubbornness I gave myself a goal of 6 weeks: I’d keep trying and doing all I could for 6 weeks. Then I upped my goal to 12 weeks. And by the time we got to 12 weeks nursing was so much better that I was glad I’d stuck it out. He ended up nursing for 16 months.
(Our nursing troubles were due to not being able to latch on immediately. He had to go to the NICU and I wasn’t even able to hold him for a day or two. I was stuck trying to establish a supply using a pump, and that was no fun.)
I’m currently nursing my daughter who is 10 months. I was all prepared for the initial pain and difficulties that I experienced with my son, but instead it was SO much better. No pain, a great latch right away, and my supply has always been fine.