Go Ahead, Have a Third Kid
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Aren’t they sweet?! Oh be still my heart. These are my three sons. Well, my three sons before the rest of the FishKids arrived.
In case you’ve ever wondered, our eldest was 3 1/2 when our second child was born. We’d had the miscarriages; we hadn’t planned on a big gap. Our third son was born a mere 19 months later.
When I was pregnant with our third, I was warned about how difficult everything would be.
- Oh my! How are you going to handle two babies?
- Oh my! Three is just so, so hard.
- Oh my! You’ll have your hands full.
You know what? They were wrong. Having a third baby, even a third so close in age to his older brother, was not so, so hard. In fact, it was much, much easier than I expected it to be. (Especially once I got that double stroller!)
Fish and I have talked about this over and over since then. Three is not harder than two. Quite the contrary, we thought the transition from one child to two children was the hardest transition of them all, even after a year of miscarriage and wanting that second child so much.
Having two was sooooooooooo very hard.
I thought I would die. And I think families with two experience that rough transition and they assume that having a third will be that much harder. I think some might even stop there out of fear.
That wasn’t the case for us. I’m so glad we pushed past the hard of having two children to see that having three really wasn’t all that harder.
You see, my theory is that when you have one child, one parent can be hands free if he or she chooses. With two, either one parent has his hands full or you’re both occupied. It took way more effort to transition to two kids than it did to three, four, five, six.
(After three, you’re already on zone defense, so it doesn’t matter.)
I say this not to convince you to have a large family or even to say that you should have a third baby. I know many families desiring more children and for a number of reasons, they cannot.
But, if you’re on the fence, if you’re wanting to grow your family but feel swayed by the populace to stop at two, I say go ahead. Have a third.
I can so relate to this post…. I have a 3.5 year old and a 20month old. I found the transition from #1 to #2 to be very tricky especially in the early days. Now I feel like I have turned a corner with my youngest walking, talking and sleeping through the night…. I feel torn as I am longing for a third.
My husband and I feel blessed to have had even 1 child as I am now 43 (he is 41). We met later in life but to our absolute pleasure fell pregnant immediately. I feel an urgency to making a decision on a third due to my age. My age does not concern me for managing the pregnancy, pregnancy risks and physically handling the baby but the years later on when I will be a relatively older mother.
I love my family so much and feel I could be selfish in wanting/risking more. My husband and I feel if we were 10yrs younger, there would be no question about #3. He is happy with #2 but if I want #3 then we will. We both come from families of 3.
How do I even make up my mind? Is this just normal maternal feelings?
Wow how amazing to hear so many stories of heroic moms and families! Thanks for this post, you couldn’t have described my feelings better about being on the fence about a third child. I thought something must have been wrong with me when I felt that transitioning from 1 to 2 was so, so hard. I told my husband several times after our younger one was born (she is now 15 months and so adorable!), that I will never have any more biological babies, maybe adopted ones, but not biological. I think the way it changes my body from early pregnancy to even a year after giving birth is so challenging for me personally. The nausea and constant feeling of illness was bearable when pregnant with my first, but when there’s an older child (or several) to take care of while feeling sick for months is not something I can fathom, plus the tiredness after the nausea subsides – how do you and other moms deal with that?? I felt so guilty and felt like I neglected my older one even before his baby sister was born!! So for me, it’s not just the newborn stage that scares me, it’s the entire pregnancy stage! But anyway, your post has really encouraged me to just let it go and consider it. Besides, when the baby turns into a toddler, there needs to be another baby in the home again, hahaha 🙂
You bring up lots of good questions. Those early years are definitely challenging. I will say that God gives you amnesia a little, for better or for worse. Those aren’t the memories I carry around with me. Hopefully my kids dono’t either.
If my husband were younger (he was 46 when our last baby was born; he’s 50 now), we would have had more. My baby will be five this summer, so it is bittersweet that there isn’t “another baby” as you say. 🙂
I was really hesitant about having #3 but we felt it was what God wanted for our family so we went for it. Imagine my surprise (and moments of sheer terror) when it turned out to be #3, 4 & 5! After the triplets having another was a no-brainer – life couldn’t get much more chaotic than it already was. My oldest turned 4 1/2 the week after #6 was born. Having so many young kids is extremely difficult but they’re also my greatest joy. I get so much delight from watching them play together and take care of each other!
Wow! What an amazing surprise! I’m guessing that story is making folks quake in their boots. lol.
I agree. The second one was so much harder. Our third is 8 weeks old now, and really I feel like it is much easier this time.
I found going from 2 to 3 wasn’t bad at all. It was 3-4 for me. But my kids are 2yrs, 11mos and 12 mos apart. Perhaps the 3 under 2 was what got me for awhile there lol. Now they’re all best buds! That first year was brutal though.
Okay so I’m 33 and mom of DS aged 14 this year and DD aged 9 this year and for fours years have been confused about #3 had a miscarraige last year but I’m still deciding now once again helpppppppp
That’s a hard place to be in. I can only say that I don’t regret any time we added to our family.
I just stumbled on this post and have to tell you I loved it!! I am the mom of five children. Our first three are all 18 months apart and it had it’s difficulties (the third had colic) but you know what, it was fantastic! They are 20, 18.5, and 17 now and they are all best friends. Our last two are here primarily due to our older children’s requests. So, we also have a darling two year old and a nine month old. They are the joy of the house!! God is so good to let us experience this all over again and we are thankful beyond words!
My 3rd just turned 2 years old and I am finally beginning to feel “normal” again. Our kids are spaced similar to yours. 3 yrs between the first two and 18 mos between 2 and 3. My 2nd baby was super easy and I thought, no prob. I’ve got this motherhood thing down (my 1st is a handful). But 3 kids has knocked me off my feet. So much so that I really wonder if we will have more. I use to think that I’d love to have at least 5 kids. My 3rd wasn’t a hard baby, but it was just too much for me. My husband works on Wall Street so we never see him. And we live in a 1 bedroom apt in manhattan. So that may have a lot to do with the stress. (But we know several families that do it well with 5-7 children.) I’m hoping and praying we can make the change to an “easier” lifestyle (2 bedrooms and a small yard sound so dreamy). I’d love to try and have more sweet little ones.
I enjoyed this post and reading the comments. Our third (we have an almost-4y/o girl and a 25 m/o boy, plus our third who is a boy) is almost 3 months.
Going to two was difficult, but I think this transition was harder. I finally feel like we’re getting into a rhythm, but I definitely don’t get done everything I’d like to (dusting, vacuuming…sleeping? ;))
But, as hard as this mothering gig is, I’m up for another when/if the Lord so blesses us (so far, breastfeeding has kept my fertility from returning until around my babies’ first birthdays). Each one is such a unique & precious gift.
I have 3 kids 5,4, and 18 months. The hardest one bring home for us was one. Because EVERYTHING changed! For my bring home #2 was easy… my first two are 13 months apart. I was already in that baby mode so it wasn’t really any different. #3 was a bit different just because my husband is gone a lot so it was just another adjustment to how I got things done. Now I really want another one… then I think how in the world would I do it (not so much the baby part but the pregnancy… I have bad pregnancies!) But I am sure it will happen…. 🙂