Life with TWO Babies??
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Life with two babies is hard. But, it’s not a death sentence. It’s good, I promise.
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A reader asked recently,
I have a one year old and am expecting #2 in August. They will be 19 months apart. Any advice for juggling 2 babies so close together–and although this might sound crazy to you, I’m intimidated by the thought of going out alone (grocery store, etc.) with 2 babies. Any tips to ease my nerves? Thanks!
What a great question! I am convinced that one of the most difficult transitions in growing our family was when our second child was born. I distinctly remember sitting on the front porch bawling my eyes out, trying to explain to my husband how hard it was. Our little guy (the brainiac who knows Greek) was very active and started crawling at about 4 months of age. We were also remodeling our home and there was plenty of trouble for him to get into. He kept me on my toes, that is for sure.
The transition from being mommy to one to being mommy of two is certainly not without its challenges. Not only are you adjusting to getting to know another unique, little person, but you are also learning to divide your time between with two little ones who depend on you for so much.
Not only that, but parents need to move to “man-on-man defense.” With one child it is easy for one parent to go about independent projects while the other keeps watch of your child. With two kids, it really does seem like now you both have your hands full.
Your question doesn’t sound crazy to me at all. In fact, I think I face similar challenges when my older children are away with FishPapa, and I have the littlest ones to myself. Little people need more attention – that’s all there is to it.
Here are some things that helped me:
1. Meet the younger baby’s needs first. I know some people take the opposite tact, but I do believe that if we help our littlest ones to feel safe and secure, then they will be more confident as they grow and not need us as much when they are bigger. In meeting Baby’s needs for a fresh diaper, a nap, and a good feeding, you’re also modeling to your older child good parenting. Invite him to help you by bringing you a fresh diaper, the baby’s blanket, or a water bottle while you’re nursing. “Big kids” love to be included.
2. Make playtime a priority with your older child. Once baby is settled for awhile, sit down with your older child for purposeful play. Read a story, play playdough, or draw a picture. Make time with your older child very focused. Don’t ignore Baby — wear him in the sling or place him in a bouncy seat at your feet, but make sure that your older child also has a good share of “face time” with you.
3. Get a double stroller that you love. When my second child was born, my oldest was 3 1/2, so he had pretty much outgrown the stroller. But, Baby #3 was born nineteen months later. So my second and third babies had the spacing you’re talking about. I quickly learned that I had to have a double stroller. I thought I could do without one, but after holding one sleeping toddler in my arms, while pushing a full cart with a baby and older child through Walmart, I learned otherwise.
If you take both children on outings, use the double stroller. A lot of grocery items will fit in the basket below. For larger shopping trips, try to take only one child — or none, if Dad can swing caring for them both solo.
4. Preplan and pack accordingly before you leave the house. I imagine that you fear double meltdown (or double blow-outs) while you’re out and about. Cut this anxiety off at the pass by preplanning how to meet your kids’ needs while you’re away from home. Pack fun toys and snacks for your older child. Make sure everyone has a fresh diaper and that there arer plenty of supplies in the diaper bag. Give baby a good feeding before leaving the house. Avoid going somewhere during nap or mealtimes. Make your first solo outings adventures that are not necessary. Take a simple trip to the park as a trial run. Keep fine tuning your organization when it doesn’t really matter so that it has a better chance of going well when it does.
5. Expect the unexpected. As your family grows, so should your ability to roll with the punches. Expect that something may go other than you planned and pray for the grace to laugh at it when it does. That is part of life, and resiliency is a great thing to teach your kids. Keep that sense of humor — it’s critical!
Enjoy these days! My boys who are nineteen months apart are the best of friends. They share a room and are just the sweetest buddies – most of the time. Make a commitment to laugh at the days to come.
Especially when they’re all crying at once.
I certainly don’t have all the answers. Got some good advice for this new mom? Share what has worked for you in the comments.
There are so many great tips on how to “survive” here already!
My advice? Be encouraged that closely spaced siblings are a HUGE blessing. My first two are less than 11 months apart and it is fantastic. There is no jealousy, rivalry, or bullying. To them, they’ve both “always been there”. To have two children who are best buddies and enjoy the same toys is a wonderful gift to be sure! The first little while is the toughest, as you “find your groove”… oh, but the rewards are grand! Congratulations!
Even though my girls are 3 years apart, my Beco Baby Carrier has been a life saver – especially when it comes to shopping and errands. They’re not cheap, but I think I’ve gotten my money’s worth.
I didn’t really trust my older girl to walk in the grocery store and needed her to be in the cart. With the Beco, I could securely tote the baby and have my hands free. Plus, it is very comfortable and can be worn as a backpack too. My baby is now just over a year and I still use the Beco on a regular basis. Just today we went to a museum and I used it for nearly two hours without my back hurting or getting tired. Plus, she LOVES being in it and I’m much more mobile than with a stroller. I highly recommend a Beco!
Great tips! I agree that the hardest transition for me was from one child to two. It didn’t help that my baby was very sick. I don’t have much advice because the first year is a blur! I do remember crying a lot! It does get better, now we have 6 and are expecting #7. I am not apprehensive at all.
Toni
http://thehappyhousewife.com
I was a single mom of a 5 year old when I had my twins. I found that if I planned everything it went smoother than if I didn’t. I felt like I took something away from my 5 yr old, she is 17 now and I can tell that I gave her more than I ever took. Having a brother and sister has taught her sooo much.
Hi, this hit close to home! I have three children – the first two are 14 months apart in age, and then the youngest is 16 months apart from the middle child. Life here is crazy every day!
I think adding number #2 is a lot harder than adding #3 because that’s when you first learn how to juggle everything.
My advice? Although I understand going out with 2 young ones is intimidating, do it anyway. Make it a point to get out at least once a week, even if it’s only to a local store for a few minutes. Otherwise you will feel trapped in your home and may resent your children.
Also, you don’t have to be perfect in everything! So the kiddies had hot dogs two days in a row for lunch – so what? Just make sure that you always take time for yourself, even if it means putting both kids into their cribs so that you can take a fast shower. If they cry, it’s okay. You’ll be getting them in just a few minutes.
God bless you – babies are such a blessing! (I’ll tell myself that when my son is destroying the house today!) LOL
I truly appreciate your thoughtful points, and suggestions. (and the reader comments)
Motherhood is truly an adventure, and as far as I can tell so far is THE most exhausting, yet most beautiful journey.
Kristen, great story. Love to hear about someone who’s lived to tell about it.
jlo, I was hoping you’d chime in. I thought of you when I was thinking this through. Glad you mentioned the nap thing – that is so important!
Stephenie, all the best to you. Having the close spacing was not as scary as I thought it would be. I was prepared for it to be awful and it was not at all.
I appreciate your post today. I’m due with our sixth baby in late August, and although it is our sixth and I should already be good at this, I’m nervous as my now youngest child will only be 20 months old when new baby arrives. This is the closest spacing we have had and I wonder how I will be able to manage 2 babies, homeschool the older 3 and not neglect anyone!
Thanks for your tips!
My girls are 12 months and 1 week apart. Although I don’t remember much of my youngest’s first year (I was in survival mode) I have a couple of tips. I only went to grocery stores that had a double cart. Both girls could ride in front. Second, I got them on the same nap schedule. That was huge. Jessica’s suggestions are great too! Good luck! I always say the joke was on me the first year, but from then on…I was the winner. I love that they are so close in age. They like much of the same stuff. They can be in the same dance classes together, etc.
When we adopted our younger two boys, they were 10 weeks apart and infants, we had a 2 1/2 year old and a 4 year old. I was crazy, but it was worth it. I learned that I just had to let some things go – fashion, perfect house, shopping for fun. We stayed home a lot, going to the grocery store was the weekly adventure that took major planning. The 4 year old would hold the cart while one infant carrier went up front and another went in the cart itself. I held the 2 year old’s hand and pushed the cart. During those years, I wondered if I’d ever get a handle on life again, but now, almost a decade later, I can look back and smile.