When do you stop having babies?
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“Family planning” can be a controversial topic. The Church has battled over it for centuries. Nations and politicians have all had their say in one way or another. Manufacturers and advertisers certainly put in their two cents in order to make a buck off the deal. Everybody has an opinion it would seem.
I’ve walked in social circles that have had varying positions about how we are to walk out the childbearing years. Birth control? No birth control? Triple up on your birth control?
As I mentioned in my first post on the topic, there’s a lot we don’t control. And as we explore the topic I think we need to keep in mind that each child God grants us is a blessing.
I want to be humble in thinking about my family’s size because they are a gift from the Lord and the “plan” doesn’t always go the way I say it should. I never thought I would have such joy as I do being the mom of four sons and then two daughters.
But God Did
I never thought I would meet the man of my dreams, but God did.
Prissy old me would never have planned so many boys, but I am so very thankful that God did.
And in the midst of all that testosterone, I never thought I’d get to dress anyone in pink, but God did. What a joy this journey has been!
And, to be honest, I have no idea if our family is complete. I know. Jaws are dropping everywhere.
I just. don’t. know.
A Question
A QuestionIn that first introductory post, Bethany posed some of the same questions I have for the moms who’ve gone before us. So I’m just going to present her query here:
I just wonder to those who have called it quits… (other than those with medical problems – I understand their reasons)
How did you know? Was it hard? Were you sad but just knew it was time? Or did you know it was time and feel happy or ready for the next season?
I am kind of wondering if I will have another baby and still feel like I don’t want to stop. I wonder if I will have to just make that decision against feelings. I wonder if I will have more miscarriages and the pain of that will bend my will to quit.
Let us know your thoughts in the comments section.
(Related food for thought: Douglas Wilson, Birth Control – I have found this to be a great resource in thinking it through. No, it is not exhaustive. Yes, somebody will find something to argue with it. But, I have found it to be a reasonable, God-glorifying treatise on the topic.)
I am so glad that I was able to follow this link and read these post from a few years back. It is definitely the spot we find ourselves in right now. We have two beatiful girls, 2.5 years and 15 months, and life is wonderful. We have had many conversations about adding to our family, from the day after our youngest was born. We always thought having two was the perfect number for us…now we both think about the future and how wonderful having more would be. We absolutely love being parents, the joyful times and the challenging times that we learn from.
The issue that we are having is a financial one. I know many people state that money is not an issue, but we are not able to see how that is so. We have a little over $80,000 in debt not including our home. We have so many people telling us to over look that, but that does not seem the smart thing to do. How is that providing for our family? We are debt snowballing through everything and making great progress. There is just a struggle pulling between are heart and our wallet.
@Kristy, you raise some great points. And while you don’t mention your age, I would say that it’s ok not to decide right now. My youngest brother is 14 years younger than me and 7 years younger than the last one before him. He is one of the biggest blessings in my life. The kids don’t have to be close together. 😉
I came upon this series at the perfect time. My husband and I are currently deciding if we are done or not. We have three and I would love a fourth but there are so many reasons to believe that we are done. This is such a big topic to address. Thanks Jessica for your willingness to explore it.
I can’t get this link to work
@Mary, not sure which link you mean. Let me know how I can help.
I don’t know how I missed this series! Oh, looking back, I can see I was adjusting to life with newborn #2 and getting very little computer time. 😉
We are now expecting blessing #3 (due April ’11) and we really prayed about adding more to our family.
I am one of 9 children. My parents are strict Catholics who practiced no birth control and accepted children as the Lord saw fit to bless them. While I never lacked for anything, it was very difficult to raise a large family on one income (supplemented with various odd jobs my mom could do from home, a very, very large garden, and we were blessed to raise animals on a hobby farm for meat). I love the close relationship I have with my siblings today, but the growing years were hard. We also didn’t have much time with either one of our parents, and many of us (especially the older and middle ones) feel the pain of that. Still, we always knew our parents loved us unconditionally, sacrificed for our benefit, and went above and beyond for us.
A lot of that experience has shaped my views on having a family (sadly). I knew I wanted a family when I got married, but I knew I didn’t want as many kids as my parents had. Unbiblical, yes, but true. I really felt like our family was complete when we brought our second home from the hospital. We live on one income (which is a salesman’s income so it varies widely and is heavily commission-based, which can be bad), we have a small house, and we don’t currently live near any family members. When we were pregnant with #2, we were transferred to our current state and then my husband lost his job when they made significant cutbacks (6 weeks before our baby was due) and we are still recovering from that financially.
However, God changed my heart and I began to see our family with 3 children instead of just two, and before I knew it, we were expecting again. I am thrilled about the thought of adding another to our family, and cannot wait to meet this newest addition. But I don’t know if we will have more. We continue to pray and seek God’s will for our family size. We are definitely not “quiver-full” in thinking, but lean on God for direction.
I definitely think that we as Americans have become very self centered and focused on anything that might come in the way of the life style we feel we “deserve” to live. Birth control has helped in this issue. God says that children are a blessing, yet we act as if more than two children are just too many blessings to have. I think part of the reason we think parenting is so hard is that we have to sacrifice so much of our time and energy and put our wants on the back burner, and we get angry if our little blessing don’t cooperate so that we can have or do the things we want. I say this because I saw these attitudes, and still see these attitudes in myself with my children. We live in a “me centered” culture, and to be counterculture is definitely to have a large family where we sacrifice a lot of “me” time.
I have four children, and would probably have more if it weren’t for pretty bad health issues, but my husband and I definitely “planned” our children. We waited 5 years to have our first so that we could finish school. Looking back, I don’t agree with the way we viewed children and the timing of them, but I think God gives us children in a sense to show us our weaknesses. 🙂 Hopefully, we can continue to grow through them and fully appreciate and enjoy our little blessings.
This is easier said than done, and I cannot speak from experience because we didn’t have children with this mind set, but I wonder how much better and more smooth things would have gone if my hubby and I would have given up the birth control for God control.
just found your blog. loved this post. my husband and I haven’t come to an agreement on this. I would love to have a dozen. He thinks our two are perfect. Thanks for tackling a difficult topic.