Go Ahead, Have a Third Kid
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Aren’t they sweet?! Oh be still my heart. These are my three sons. Well, my three sons before the rest of the FishKids arrived.
In case you’ve ever wondered, our eldest was 3 1/2 when our second child was born. We’d had the miscarriages; we hadn’t planned on a big gap. Our third son was born a mere 19 months later.
When I was pregnant with our third, I was warned about how difficult everything would be.
- Oh my! How are you going to handle two babies?
- Oh my! Three is just so, so hard.
- Oh my! You’ll have your hands full.
You know what? They were wrong. Having a third baby, even a third so close in age to his older brother, was not so, so hard. In fact, it was much, much easier than I expected it to be. (Especially once I got that double stroller!)
Fish and I have talked about this over and over since then. Three is not harder than two. Quite the contrary, we thought the transition from one child to two children was the hardest transition of them all, even after a year of miscarriage and wanting that second child so much.
Having two was sooooooooooo very hard.
I thought I would die. And I think families with two experience that rough transition and they assume that having a third will be that much harder. I think some might even stop there out of fear.
That wasn’t the case for us. I’m so glad we pushed past the hard of having two children to see that having three really wasn’t all that harder.
You see, my theory is that when you have one child, one parent can be hands free if he or she chooses. With two, either one parent has his hands full or you’re both occupied. It took way more effort to transition to two kids than it did to three, four, five, six.
(After three, you’re already on zone defense, so it doesn’t matter.)
I say this not to convince you to have a large family or even to say that you should have a third baby. I know many families desiring more children and for a number of reasons, they cannot.
But, if you’re on the fence, if you’re wanting to grow your family but feel swayed by the populace to stop at two, I say go ahead. Have a third.
Uh, thanks for upping my anxiety significantly. We are expecting our second child and I’ve heard that’s an easier transition than from one to two. Now I’m really scared… :-/
Uh I meant than from zero to one. Haha. You can see how scared I am.
My transition from one to two was quite easy. My first born was very high-maintenance, colicky, and we found out later – allergic to both milk AND soy. My husband changed jobs – to 2nd shift – so I spent many nights sleeping with the baby strapped to me in the carrier wedged on the sofa so I didn’t roll on her. It took us 18 months of trying to get pregnant to have our first so we tried again right away to have another and God blessed us with her sister, born almost exactly 13 months later. She was SUCH an easy baby – slept through the night the first night home, no allergy issues, easy-going and happy all of the time. Also, having gone through so much the first time I was feeling much more confident of what I could do – that alone helped a lot.
DON’T be scared. I think lots of commenters have shared varying perspectives. I think one of the themes in all of it has been expectations. I think when I had my second, I thought I knew it all. I was sorely disappointed. When I had my third, I expected it to be super hard, but it wasn’t as hard as I thought.
Others have made really good points about why they think their experience was similar or different, but I think they all boil down to expectations. Having one, two, three, four — all of them are “hard” because you have to reach outside yourself and put others first, you have to give when you don’t think there’s anything left. That is motherhood, really.
And it’s all good. It’s just not easy.
Every age and stage is challenging and when you fold in multiple personalities (ie multiple people) it becomes a really interesting mix. But, it’s all good.
Please don’t be scared. God has crafted your family for this time, hand picking these little souls to perfectly fit you and your husband. God makes no mistakes. He’s the one ultimately building your family.
Thank you for this! I have a 3.5 year old and a just-turned 1 year old. DH wants more. The thought makes me break out in a cold sweat. LOL I’m still so overwhelmed but reading this post gave me hope that it won’t always be that way. Going from 1 to 2 was incredibly hard especially since we have no extended family around to lend a hand. We’re thinking about waiting to try for #3 until my youngest is 18 months so, hopefully, my oldest will be a bit more independent by then!
We moved away from family when #3 was 18 months and I was pregnant with #4. It can be hard, but at the same time, we grew close as a family unit and got our sealegs for parenting without relatives interfering.
Ha! We went for a third child and ended up with a third and fourth! Twins were definitely a surprise.
Hi! I’ve never commented before but thought I would chime in, too. For me, going from 0 to 1 child was a bit traumatizing…she was high maintenance and I really had no idea what I was doing…lol. But she was such a joy, too. But I knew I wanted to wait at least 2-3 years before having another one. I tried to get pregnant after she turned 2 but it wouldn’t happen until 8 months later and my 2nd, my son, was born almost exactly 3 years apart from his sister. Adding #2 wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be but I think it’s mainly because he is such an easy going and laid back baby. I am on the fence about adding a third now. My daughter is 4 and my son is 15 months. I would have to have a third c-section, so I’m just not sure I want to do it again! But there are many days I long for another and to have a bigger family! Thanks for the post, I just keep praying about it!
I am going to stick with just my 2. I know my limits 🙂
We have three kids close in age {they were all born in a 3 1/2-year timespan}. Going from one to two wasn’t difficult for us, but going from two to three – whoa, that kicked my butt! I can remember being so exhausted that I was constantly fighting to keep my eyes open. Looking back, the baby/toddler years are somewhat of a blur to me! Life is less tiring now that they’re older {14, 12, and 10}. We love having three and we love having them close in age because they are great buddies 🙂
I have to say I expected this to be my experience…and it wasn’t.
#1 and #2 are under 18 months apart. #2 and #3 are almost 25 months apart. I thought surely adding a third kid would be easy. It wasn’t. (Not that I regret it!!) The older two were still both so young and they both needed so much from me. My oldest was only 3 1/2 when #3 was born! Plus it was just a really difficult time for our family because my husband was having health issues and was unable to help me much, which I’m sure played a big role. It was a much harder transition than I had expected.
NOW it is so much easier. They are now 5, 3 1/2, and almost 1 1/2. They all play nicely together (most of the time). The youngest “grew up” a bit faster than the other two did because he wanted to be like his big brother and sister. He walked sooner, cut back on nursing sooner, wanted to sit in a “big boy chair” at the table and feed himself sooner. He has talked sooner too! Now I have three “kids” and they entertain each other so well that I am able to get quite a bit done even when I am alone with all three, and the older two are starting to be more helpful than a drain, especially my 5-year-old. Many of my friends with younger/fewer kids are amazed at what I can get done!
So, it might be hard initially, depending on the kids’ ages and the family situation. But I definitely think it’s worth it.
I actually think it’s worth it so much that I’m due with #4 in +/- 7 weeks! The timing on #4 was totally a God thing but I think it will be great. #3 and #4 will be just 19 months apart, but I have done this very close age gap before. I know I can do it again. AND I have a 5-year-old who can help me this time, who loves babies and really takes pride in “being Mommy’s big helper” around the house. And my husband’s health issues are mostly resolved too so I have more coming from him. I think we’ll do just fine. 🙂
It’s so great to hear the different experiences and the circumstances behind them. Evidence that God builds our families in mysterious ways. Blessings on the new one!
For us, 3 was the big transition! 2 was even easier than 1, since our just turned 2 year old was thrilled to spend some of her time “playing” with baby while Mommy got bits of housework done, but with number 3 my thyroid conked out and as a 4 year old and 2 year old and baby all need different things – all at the same time – for about 3 months there I was wiped out!! Now it’s just fun again though! 😀
As I lay here nursing my third, I could not agree more! He’ll be one in a few weeks, and I was just thinking this morning about how much joy and ease he has brought to our family! And he’s sooooo easy.
Thanks Jessica, I SOOOO agree! Going from 1 to 2 was the hardest for us. 2 to 3 was no problem, 3 to 4, what a joy and now we’re going from 4 to 5. I’m 32 weeks and I have to say this has been the easiest pregnancy and such an all around joyous time! I have so many little hands willing and wanting to help! I think that no matter what your family size, with the right attitude and with God’s provision, it can be a joy and blessing 🙂
Oh my, I could have written this post word for word! I always say that the transition from one to two was the hardest. Once you go from two to three, you’re already exhausted all the time so it doesn’t matter!! My three boys keep me super busy but their beautiful souls are totally worth it. A friend told me a few weeks ago that “three is the new two!”