Go Ahead, Have a Third Kid
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Aren’t they sweet?! Oh be still my heart. These are my three sons. Well, my three sons before the rest of the FishKids arrived.
In case you’ve ever wondered, our eldest was 3 1/2 when our second child was born. We’d had the miscarriages; we hadn’t planned on a big gap. Our third son was born a mere 19 months later.
When I was pregnant with our third, I was warned about how difficult everything would be.
- Oh my! How are you going to handle two babies?
- Oh my! Three is just so, so hard.
- Oh my! You’ll have your hands full.
You know what? They were wrong. Having a third baby, even a third so close in age to his older brother, was not so, so hard. In fact, it was much, much easier than I expected it to be. (Especially once I got that double stroller!)
Fish and I have talked about this over and over since then. Three is not harder than two. Quite the contrary, we thought the transition from one child to two children was the hardest transition of them all, even after a year of miscarriage and wanting that second child so much.
Having two was sooooooooooo very hard.
I thought I would die. And I think families with two experience that rough transition and they assume that having a third will be that much harder. I think some might even stop there out of fear.
That wasn’t the case for us. I’m so glad we pushed past the hard of having two children to see that having three really wasn’t all that harder.
You see, my theory is that when you have one child, one parent can be hands free if he or she chooses. With two, either one parent has his hands full or you’re both occupied. It took way more effort to transition to two kids than it did to three, four, five, six.
(After three, you’re already on zone defense, so it doesn’t matter.)
I say this not to convince you to have a large family or even to say that you should have a third baby. I know many families desiring more children and for a number of reasons, they cannot.
But, if you’re on the fence, if you’re wanting to grow your family but feel swayed by the populace to stop at two, I say go ahead. Have a third.
I totally agree. For me two was the hardest transition as well. And now I’ve got 5! I would have stopped there but I’m so glad we didn’t.
I have a friend with ten kid (yikes 😉 ) and she said there is always one transition that is hardest. She’s seen it in all her friends and experienced it herself but she said most of the time, like you said, if you get over the fear and do what your heart desires deep down you’ll find it was an isolated challenge and doesn’t necessarily mean your life is down hill from number fill-in-the-blank. 🙂
Glad you’re enjoying your three! What fun I had with just three boys. Lots of memories to make!
We actually have six: four boys and two girls. But, I know many folks stop at two out of fear and intimidation and I wanted to encourage people that three is really good, too.
Very cool! I’m so glad you shared. I sure could have used it back at the 2/3 transition. 🙂 We’re going on 7, 2 through adoption. Crazy adventurous life I would have never imagined or had if I’d given in to fear.
I am in total agreement with you! I am mom to 5 kids and I can tell you that by far the toughest was bringing number 2 home! Number 3, 4, and 5, bringing them in to the family and the routine was a breeze in comparison. For me I that I put way too much pressure on myself when I brought number 2 home. I was so worried about not letting my oldest feel displaced, while at the same time trying to meet the needs of my newborn…I literally drove myself crazy trying to make everything perfect! By the time the 3rd baby came along I had learned to not only be patient with myself, but also that my children are very resilient, so making them wait 10 minutes for a drink while I finish nursing their baby sister was not going to hurt them at all. By number 5, I hardly even noticed there was one more! Love this post! 🙂
i agree! when i found out we were expecting the third i FREAKED, even though getting the first took years. i was already older than i thought i should be, plus the oldest was already 10. but know what? they are awesome together and apart! and even though it is hard to be outnumbered and sometimes it is exhausting keepingup with three boys, i am so glad we had the third. so glad that i was i was young enough for a fourth! but i am blessed and grateful where we are.
Were you in Southern Indiana listening to my conversation last night? Hahaha! I was just talking to my mom about how difficult the transition to a family of four has been for me. I think I had the idea that life would just go back to what it was before our son was born 6 months ago. But we are looking forward to what the Lord has in store. And that just might include a third child to love. Thanks for the encouragement.
Here is a quote from one of my favorite poems.
“No longer forward nor behind, I look in hope or fear; But grateful, take the good I find, The best of now and here.
”
— John Greenleaf Whittier
Great quote!
I often refer to this on the “hard” days. There is always something to be grateful for, even dirty diapers!
One thing I thought was great when my third was born was that I felt like an expert of sorts. I wasn’t worried about all of the unknowns. I knew how to do it and was able to really enjoy him.
Definitely agree! Going from 1 to 2 was harder than going from 2 to 3. I remember trying to get the newborn to sleep long enough in the carrier so I could get my older child to sleep and it never failed that he would want to nurse. After I learned how to juggle it all, it was easier the next time. It did help that my third was a sweet, placid baby who thrived on routine and was sleeping through the night at 9 weeks. 😉
I have to chime in to say: remember that every family situation is very different and it’s all a matter of perspective. It’s good to hear that folks have an easy transition to the third child, because for us it’s INCREDIBLY difficult. My third is only 2 months, and I’m sure things will get easier as all the little guys get older, but at this point it’s been beyond hard for us. So many things go into the mix: how the older ones sleep at night; how many are in school; the parent’s ability to handle sleep (or lack thereof!), stress and discipline; the amount of help from family & friends; etc. I don’t mean to discourage others from having 3+ kids. However, I thought it would be much easier than it’s turning out to be.
I suspect that having a 2 month old is a huge factor in that equation. My humble opinon is that a newborn is tough no matter what the other circumstances are. Add in some other complications, and you’re bound to feel some stress! I have so many fond memories of newborn days, but I’m always so relieved to move beyond them! 🙂
A Mom of 4, my baby being 10 months.
I think you’re absolutely right. (We’ve been discussing it in the comments.) So many of these things are determined by personalities, finances, family health, so many other circumstances. I guess my general purpose in posting was that we shouldn’t be afraid to grow a family — at least not out of fear. The benefits far outweigh the hardships. We just gotta be brave to face the hardships.
My experience was different in that the transition from having 2 to 3 was MUCH harder than from 1 to 2. But now that we have 4, I agree, you’re already in defense zone.
I fall squarely on the opposite opinion! My first two are 15 months apart, and it was a breeze. My oldest was 34 months when #3 was born, and that was SO much harder. They boys are now 3 1/2, 2, and 7 months, and I’m just now starting to feel on top of things again. Wouldn’t change a thing, but it’s been a challenge!
Well my experience was much the same as yours – but I can see the other side – I think it’s hardest when you shift stages – if you have your first and second 13 months apart, well, you’re in baby zone – no biggie – if you have your third five years after your second – well you’re already in ‘school kid’ zone and going back to baby zone must be more difficult – depends where you’re at kwim?
But I applaud the sentiment – don’t let other people discourage you and tell you horror stories about ANYTHING that sounds appealing to you – their experience or lack thereof shouldn’t affect your choice!
Yes, I can see the shift in stages, too. My first was potty trained when #2 was born, that may have contributed to how hard it all was. Like others have said, I was already in baby mode when 3, 4, etc arrived.