2nd Christmas: What to Do Once You’ve Got Grown Kids

When you can’t have everyone together for 1st Christmas, it’s good to plan 2nd Christmas. Here’s how we plan an alternate Christmas celebration when our family can’t all be together on the official day.

Our Christmas history with adult children is still in the making. With one son married and another establishing his career and a longterm relationship, we’ve learned (are learning?) to roll with their plans rather than insist on our own.

I think this may be easier for me than other moms I know because I started out as a “boy mom”. I’ve known for some time that I would need to take a step back in my sons’ lives so that the women in their lives would be central.

I had a conflicted relationship with Bryan’s mom before she passed in 2008. That, too, probably set the tone for what I wanted to do differently as “the mother-in-law”. Enjoying 2nd Christmas is one of those things.

What is 2nd Christmas?

We’ve been calling our alternate family Christmas celebration “2nd Christmas” for the last five years. However, I googled it just now to see if the internet says it’s something else.

Apparently, there is more than one use of the phrase:

• the Amish observe 2nd Christmas (on December 26) as a celebration with family and friends since they spend 1st Christmas (aka Christmas Day) in prayer and study.
• Fredericksburg, TX hosts a 2nd Christmas Celebration, also on December 26
• the phrase can also refer to the 2nd day of Christmas. The 12 Days of Christmas are a real thing, a feast starting on Christmas Day and ending twelve days later on Epiphany, January 6th.

For our family’s intents and purposes, 2nd Christmas is more like 2nd Breakfast for hobbits. We celebrate 1st Christmas on Christmas Day with some of our kids while 2nd Christmas is a celebration for our entire family.

This started five years ago when our eldest son moved to Sacramento. The distance to San Diego is too far to split easily, so he and our daughter-in-law came down a few days later.

That first year was easy because the rest of us went to Maui for the 10 days leading up to Christmas. We came home on Christmas Eve so it wasn’t a big deal not to have a big celebration immediately upon our return.

Another year we went to Arizona for Christmas to visit my in-laws. When the kids were younger, we strictly protected Christmas Day at home. Now is a season where we can loosen up about that.

In the years since then, I’ve crafted two Christmases so that those of us still home have a celebration, but then we also do larger family traditions with everyone together.

What does 1st Christmas look like?

This year 1st Christmas is me, Bryan and the four younger FishKids. The older boys are with their SO’s families.

While we save some of our most special traditions for 2nd Christmas, I like to make 1st Christmas special in its own way.

Bryan and I aren’t the only ones to experience the nest emptying. The younger siblings are part of that transition and feel the changes. Making new traditions for our smaller crowd reduces the “left behind” feelings.

Xmas Eve

We typically enjoy some type of East Asian foods on Christmas Eve. Sometimes this is frozen entrees from Costco, this year I’m making Asian bowls with this grilled chicken and Carrot Ginger dressing.

In years past I’ve also crafted Christmas crackers from a kit on Etsy, complete with paper hats I made from tissue paper. I bought this year’s kit back in July, and that’s on my list to do this weekend!

Last year, inspired by an Instagram reel, I purchased small wooden bird houses from Michaels as well as paint and some accessories. Every one painted a bird house and we chatted for a few hours at the table. It was so much fun!

I loved to see how different everyone’s house turned out — and it’s a favorite memory from last year.

I have another crafty activity planned for this year, as well. I can’t wait to see how it goes!

Xmas Day, aka 1st Christmas

Since the entire world is celebrating, it would feel odd to treat this day like any other day, even though we aren’t doing all our regular traditions.

So, we have a fun breakfast and then I create some kind of game along with presents. It’s a bit like a Yankee swap, but without the meanness.

The first year we did we allowed stealing, but that didn’t really fit the vibe of our family. No one really wanted to do that.

I bought $15 presents that everyone would enjoy getting. Surprisingly, the Max Lucado book was one of the more popular of gifts.

I’m still testing out different gift scenarios for 1st Christmas. Last year I bought books, wrapped them up, and then threw a game into the mix of opening them.

I instituted the Mug Game, a Christmas mug filled with these trivia questions that we passed around and discussed. After you answered your question, you got to choose a gift.

It turned out to be really fun and we’ve played the Mug Game on other occasions with company or for Sunday Dinner.

After presents, everyone chills out and relaxes. I usually make a really yummy meal that day, too.

1st Christmas has turned out to be a really relaxing day that I enjoy tremendously. If we had much younger children, we would probably do something different, but this is what works for this season.

How We Do 2nd Christmas

At the moment, it works that everyone can get together for 2nd Christmas, but I recognize that this may not always be the case as kids grow and move away. For now, 2nd Christmas lands sometime between the 25th and New Year’s. But, it’s possible it may be somewhere else on the calendar in the future.

TLDR: I hold this loosely. One thing I’m learning about my kids becoming adults is to be open to lots of changes.

Thankfully, we still have grandparents in the mix so we include them into 2nd Christmas which makes it convenient for everyone to see everyone else at one time.

The FishKids Secret Santa Exchange

In 2014, when the kids were aged 6, 8, 10, 12, 14, and 17, it happened that they wanted to buy each other gifts but didn’t have the cash to bankroll their gift-giving desires. I didn’t have that cash, either.

So, we instituted FishKids Secret Santa Exchange. They exchanged names and bought a nice gift for one sibling and then each kid bought stocking stuffers for everyone else.

This is one of their favorite traditions that we’ve kept throughout the years — and a highlight when we get everyone in one place at Christmas. When the timing works out, the kids exchange these gifts on “2nd Christmas Eve”.

I know some families don’t institute this until their kids are grown, but this has worked really well for our family these last 10 to 12 years.

Tamales

For almost 30 years I’ve served Mexican food, and specifically tamales, for Christmas. Since I usually make tamales only once a year, we serve this holiday treat for 2nd Christmas, often with enchiladas, beans, rice, and salad.

A Movie

Christmas movies are still playing at our house for 2nd Christmas. Last year we watched Joyeux Noel and I made a note to myself to put it on repeat.

Light Looking Walk

We have a pretty nice neighborhood for walking and lots of neighbors put up lights. This is becoming a fun highlight to walk the streets checking out the lights.

Making the Most of the Time

Most of my kids still live at home, but I know we are on the cusp of many lasts. We’re planning a trip to Japan for the spring/summer that could be our last big trip with most of the kids.

As they age and move into seasons of life that are their own, I’m learning that making the most of the time, however short and whenever it is, is crucial.

Planning not one but two Christmas celebrations isn’t for the faint of heart, but I’m learning that 2nd Christmas is absolutely worth it.

More Good Ideas for Christmas