Breastfeeding Expectations Plus My Story of Nursing 6 Babies
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Exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months is generally recommended. Today I share my story with breastfeeding as well as what a new mom might expect.
This post was originally posted on May 1, 2012. The comments are so rich with experiences from a wonderful group of ladies who were kind enough to share their stories, I thought it would be good to bump this to the top.
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I breastfed all six kids. Exclusively. For the first six months.
I don’t say that to brag. I know many, many women who for a variety of reasons are unable to make breastfeeding work for them and their families. And I totally respect that.
The key principle is that your baby is well fed. Methods may differ.
Rather, I share my story because I want to give hope to new moms out there.
I know that I am probably in a minority in how I fed my babies. Recently, I read some statistics that showed me what a small population out there does six months exclusive breastfeeding. Recommended, but not often done.
I didn’t set out to do it any “special” way. I was not/am not a militant “breast is best” proponent. I never attended a La Leche League meeting. I only got halfway through the big breastfeeding handbooks, and then I felt like I was doing it all wrong.
But, I was the milk wagon for my babies. And I lived to tell the tale.
For the first six months of their lives, I continued to “eat for two” and be their main, no, their only source of sustenance.
Folks warned us with our first baby that if we didn’t give him a bottle in the first six weeks that he would never take one. The implication was that our lives would be ruined. Forever.
Honestly, it was so difficult and painful in those first few weeks of nursing, there was no way I was going to jeopardize his latch or my milk supply (so hard earned by that point) so that maybe, someday, we might leave him home with a babysitter for longer than two hours.
The first one never got a bottle. Neither did the others. At six months of age, they started some solids and started to learn about sippy cups with water. They nursed until they were a year old.
This isn’t the “right” way. This is just the way we did it.
Granted, I was a homebody. And I had chosen to be a stay-at-home mom. My expectations were simply that I would breastfeed my baby. So I did.
Did I go away for the weekend with my girl friends? No, but I never did that before he was born, either. Did I feel annoyed that he wanted to nurse every two to three hours? No, my type-A self needed someone to make me sit and rest before I overdid it. Did I spend lots of money on nursing clothes? No, tshirts and jeans have been my uniform for years.
Breastfeeding felt natural. At least, thank the Lord, after those first three weeks. Once you get through the “bite-your-lip-and-suffer-through-the-pain” stage. Yeah, I know, it’s not supposed to be painful. But, it was for a time. Just saying.
So, if you’re a new or expecting mom interested in breastfeeding your baby, here are some things to consider:
1. It probably won’t be easy.
Few good things in life are “easy,” especially those things that you are just learning. Be prepared for challenges and setbacks.
This applies to breastfeeding, but yes, it basically applies to your entire parenting career, too. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, your baby will have a growth spurt, cut a tooth, get sick, or learn to drive.
Be ready to be challenged.
2. Your life won’t be your own.
Since I chose exclusive breastfeeding, mostly on demand, and opted out of bottle feeding, my time was not my own. Neither was my diet. I knew that if I went someplace without the baby, I would need to be back within the three hour window. With practice and planning, I was still able to get out and do things, but I was mindful that someone else depended on me.
And that I might get a call on my cell phone that was simply the sound of the baby crying.
I took daily vitamins, ate a balanced diet, avoided much, if any, drinking, and basically took that “eating for two” thing pretty seriously. As such, I probably took better care of myself than I had before children and in some seasons since breastfeeding has ceased.
That said, the fact that someone else depended on me was good for me. And taking care of my physical health, well, that was a pretty good thing, too.
And your life? Well, as a mom, you have a new life, shared with the people you love. It won’t be your “own”, but it will be good.
3. It really isn’t as long as it seems.
It’s so easy to count the days away, waiting for the baby to wean, start solids, sleep through the night. In the middle of it, it does seem like it will go on forever. But, it won’t.
That baby there will be eight years old next month. I still wear those pants. See? My Old Navy yoga pants have outlasted three babies breastfeeding. The time goes quickly!
The last nursing session will pass and you may or may not even realize that it’s the last. Last things are like that. They flee silently and quickly. And far sooner than you thought you were ready for them.
Life is like that.
4. It’s totally worth it.
Breastfeeding certainly wasn’t easy. I’ve had my share of late nights, mastitis, engorgement, blisters, and what-have-you. I probably cried and complained more than I remember. My life wasn’t my “own”, but despite the demands and the crying baby phone calls, it was good.
I had a closeness with my babies, an understanding of their needs, and a super power — that my husband did not possess — to comfort them when they needed me. It was very right for me to breastfeed, especially in keeping me connected with my kids and not off doing “projects” as I might have been drawn to, instead.
The days have passed all too quickly. I had a nursing baby for a good 12 to 13 years of my life. Yet, my baby-Baby is on her way to 4 years old. That last nursing session is long gone — and I do not remember it.
While I don’t believe I won any brownie points for breastfeeding, and I’m not sure that my kids’ more-or-less good health is attributed to nursing, I know that I do not regret it. Going without bottles or formula didn’t ruin us. I have wonderful memories of my breastfeeding daze. Amnesia? Perhaps. But, I know I would do it all over again.
And if it’s something you want, barring medical issues, I think you can do it, too.
Obviously, if you are away from your baby for the day due to work or school, then you’ll want to do that bottle thing, but don’t think it’s too hard to breastfeed exclusively. It really is doable!
It’s hard and it’s good at the same time.
That’s the mystery of motherhood.
If you’re a veteran mom, we would love to hear your breastfeeding story. I know that there are many situations where moms wish it had been different or better and many moms for whom breastfeeding did not work, despite their best intentions. I really want this post to be an encouragement to new moms. So, please temper any challenges you might want to share with a heavy dose of encouragement and optimism. Any bashing or absolute horror stories are subject to deletion. Thanks for understanding.
Yes, very positive post! I went into delivery expecting to bf my kid – no bottles or formula for me. She was tongue tied and wouldn’t latch. Second baby had jaundice, had to bottle feed. By the time both those issues were corrected, neither wanted anything to do with me! With my first I pumped these tiny little amounts for months. I finally just let it go. I pumped for a couple weeks with the second to make my husband happy but I just couldn’t do it any more. It was very sad for me that I couldn’t breastfeed. I cried like crazy. I also had oodles of lactation consultants and shields etc and nothing worked! And to top off the second kid, he had reflux and milk allergy so it would’ve been impOssible to feed him anyways! Hoping to try again with number 3 (if there is one) but not optimistic. Extremely supportive of anyone who can and does!!!!
Great post and love how you made it real.A lot of people who recommend it dont tell the cons just the pros and some of the pros may not even come to pass.I breast fed my 1st for 6 mths would have went longer but he got teeth and like to use them.lol My second unfortunatly only made it 3 mths.Mostly because I was a bit overwhelmed with spreading my time between the 2 kids and my son was really feeling left out due to so many changes in our lives at that time.I just felt it was best.My biggest disapointment in bfing was that my son was so prone to ear infections and had to have tubes twice.The experts said if you breast fed your babies that wouldnt happen but its not true for every case.He caught every thing under the sun and was always sick it seemed.My second that only nursed for 3 mths has only had one cold and she is now 16 mths.I think breast feeding is great and would not take back doing it because all and all I think the bonding process is the greatest benefit of all when it comes to breast feeding.I must say the first couple of weeks is the hardest.Sooo painful but with my second I guess the milk jugs were just more experienced and conditioned the 2nd time around and had no pain at all.I always say dont be afraid to try.Its not as bad as some might think and you may even enjoy it.If bfing isnt for you you can always break out the bottles.Atleast you can say you tried it.I just had a sense of pride that God made me capable to feed my babies all natural milk from my own body and hey,it was free!.Just thought it was an awesome experience all around
Great post.
I breastfed my first son via regular nursing and breast milk in a bottle after I went back to work. I am a public school teacher, so I pumped during my planning times at school from March to summer break and sent the breast milk in bottles to the daycare. I did regular breast feeding at nights and on the weekends. My supply was enough that I could have opened my own milk factory, so when I went back to school in the fall, I had a large frozen supply of milk. I used that to s-l-0-w-l-y wean him to formula.
I currently have a 5 week old who I am also breastfeeding. I will have to go back for the last two weeks of school, but plan to continue nursing through the summer. Hopefully I will have a schedule at school in the fall with strategic breaks so I can pump again. If it works out, great. If not, formula babies turn out just fine too! I’m living proof, as my mother was unable to nurse me!
Good luck to all the mothers out there. Whether you are able to breastfeed your baby or not, you are still the best mother that baby will ever have!!
My son Calvin will be 17 soon. I breastfed him exclusively for the first 4 months. He was able to go back to work when I went back for a while so I was able to make it work. It was hard at first, especially when my milk came in the first time. But my lamaze coach at the hospital was great and the first night he was home, when I couldn’t get him to latch, she had me come back in and sit with her so she could help me. That weekend when my milk came in, it was very difficult and I almost gave up and used the formula the hospital had sent home with us. But I’m glad I didn’t give in. It was so worth it!
I only wish that 10 years later I had been able to breastfeed my daughter. I tried and tried, bought a pump used shields, had appointments with LaLeche coaches and specialists and nothing worked. Eventually I had to give up and I had a hard time with that. I wanted to so badly and just couldn’t and that was ok.
Chances are, anything worth working for is going to be hard. Don’t give up! You can do it. And it’s so worth it in the end.
Thanks for this post. I felt like it was very positive and realistic without being harsh or demanding.
I nursed my son until he was 16 months old (he’s now 18 months). He didn’t start really eating solids until about 9 months and we really never gave him bottles. We just went right to sippy cups as he got older.
It was painful for the first couple of weeks, but I was so thankful for other moms who had warned me about that and had encouraged me that things would get better. The hardest part about nursing was having mastitis three times 🙁 But even with that it was entirely worth it. I would encourage new moms to make sure they know the signs of mastitis and to contact their doctor right away if they think they might have it.
Initially I struggled with feeling tied to the couch every 3 hours to nurse him, but as the months went on I was able to see what a privilege it was to have that time with him. He seems like such a big kid now that it’s amazing to think only 3 months ago I was still nursing him.
I know that for various reasons some ladies have trouble nursing their babies. I really do feel for them and I have seen friends struggle with this. It makes me so thankful that my experience was relatively easy.
Hear, hear! Bravo on the post. Well put.
I also exclusively breasted my four, and to this day (my youngest is just over two), I miss it terribly.
The first time around, it was MISERABLE! I felt so trapped. But, I got a lot of support from a lactation group at the local hospital, and I truly believe that my misery was adjusting to a new baby in ALL respects, and not solely the nursing part of it.
The second was very hard to nurse because he had reflux. Had I not had that first experience, I never would have been able to do it.
Three and four were a breeze and a joy to nurse. Like you, I relished the chance to sit on my rear and just be still with baby. How a mommy’s perspective changes with time and more children.
I would add just a few things…a helpful lactation consultant and the support of other nursing mommies were what kept me going on days where it seemed too much, especially those first two times around.
If you are thinking about nursing but havent yet started or had your baby, start using Lamsinoh in those last few weeks of the pregnancy to kind of build up the callous now. With those last two, I used that stuff RELIGIOUSLY and held my breast with every single feeding ( even though it was hard to sit still and have both hands non-functional), and it was the easiest transition. Much, much less soreness.
And, for those of you who have a tremendous oversupply problem, like me…two things….pump off the fore milk for a few minutes before latching baby on. Cabocreme. FANTASTIC! worked like a charm with a LOT of ice (I used those Gerber circle freeze thingies).
Enjoy! Tired as you may be, babies rock! it really does stink when you don’t have one anymore…that annoying old lady in the grocery story is right, you will actually miss it some day and it will truly seem like it went too fast.
I nursed my babies until they were a year.
I work full-time.
With my first child, I had the meanest nurse telling me I was doing this, that and the other thing wrong – she was so mean that I almost gave up. Thank goodness that I was determined that I could do it (I’m not one to give up easy), because after some practice we both figured it out.
The quiet time alone with my son was amazing. If it was just the us, I would stay in the family room and feed him, if we had company, it was my chance to take him back and have time for just him and me. (it helped me cope with company that wanted to hold him all the time – I was a new mommy, I wanted to spend every second with that precious fellow)
When I registered, I only registered for the Avent ‘manual’ pump. I was afraid to make the investment in the expensive Medela electric pump – what if it didn’t work out.
So, I went back to work, where we didn’t yet have ‘Mother’s Rooms’. I spent the first few weeks pumping in the lobby bathroom (it was big and had a chair) – made a lot of people upset that they couldn’t use the private bathroom. Eventually, I got curtains for my office and then would pump in my office. My son took to the bottle reasonably okay. My freezer quickly filled up with bottles – allowing me some flexibility to be away, to have an evening out with my husband while the grandparents stayed at our house with our son and of course, to provide milk to him even while I was at work.
We started on cereal at 4 months (made with breastmilk) and veggies/fruit at 6 months.
After 9 months, I dropped the mid-day pumping (but still frequently nursed on the weekends). After 10 months, I dropped the mid-afternoon pumping. After 11 months, I dropped the mid-morning pumping. Then, it was just nursing morning and night. A great way to start and end the day.
The morning one dropped off around a year. Eventually, my son weaned himself. I think it was about 13 months when we dropped that last feeding.
My daughter arrived knowing how to nurse – or perhaps it really is true that a baby knows when you are relaxed and it is that much easier. She didn’t want a bottle. We tried several varieties of bottles, several style and size of nipples for the bottles, we had everyone try to feed her – my husband, my son (age 3), my mom, my friend, me – she simply had a preference and a bit of a stubborn streak. My mom watched her my first day back to work, I needed to know that someone would be patient with her and make sure that she took the bottle. After several hours, I guess she must have decided she was hungry because she drank some from a bottle, not a lot but enough to make it through.
I lingered longer with her, as I suspected that it was the last baby for me. I don’t think she fully weaned until about 15 months – of course, by then it was only bedtime and if I wasn’t there, she simply went to bed.
I respect that everyone makes their own choices on how to feed their child and I feel bad for those that want to nurse and aren’t able to for whatever reason. You have to do what works for you. I try to be supportive of new moms and share my experiences, because to me it is one of life’s miracles that we can fully provide sustenance for a newborn.
Thanks so much for sharing your story! It’s very encouraging. 🙂
I’m no veteran mom – my first turns 6 months tomorrow – but we made it! He never tasted formula, though I have to admit that it was mostly due to selfish reasons (formula is 100% more expensive than breastmilk, and BM poo is much more pleasant). I pumped the occasional bottle to give me a bit of flexibility, but most of the time it was less trouble to just be available!
I’d like to say, to all those who maybe haven’t been there yet, that it takes TIME! Though “they” may say that it is so natural and easy right off the bat, I would say that, especially first time moms, it’s hard those first weeks, even months. You both have to figure out HOW, you’re sore, you’re tired, you have to figure out how to do it with the cover, on and on! I think it finally clicked at 2 months that I actually ENJOYED it. Now it’s easy and nice we both love it. But be patient! It may take tears and time, but to me, it was time worth investing.
I have nursed 3 children so far and have been very lucky to have easy nursers. Even so, I have had quite a journey. I approached nursing as something I was going to do with a goal of 6-months in mind. The first few months were extremely rough. Mainly I needed to give up on the idea that my time is my own 🙂 Before I knew it though we were breezing past the 6-month mark and I saw no reason to stop. My first and second both nursed until 10 months every 2-3 hours (and longer stretches at night). They naturally weaned themselves, preferring a sippy cup.
My third child through me for a loop. He was (and is) a stubborn, strong-willed little guy. I thought my first had been challenging, but boy was I wrong! To sum it up he nursed around the clock every 1-2 hours until he weaned at 15 months! I never thought I would nurse past a year, but it is hard to wean a baby that is still nursing 8 times a day on top of 3 square meals and snacks! 🙂 He did have moments of letting-up only to revert right back. Just out of necessity this baby was attached to me all the time. We even co-slept for a time, just for survival, something I never thought I would do. All this to say that it is so easy to get discouraged when you are breastfeeding. The world tells you what “normal” is – feed baby less, feed baby more, let baby cry – they can’t be hungry, etc. It all comes down to doing what you feel is best for you and your baby. You are their mom and you know their needs best. Breastfeeding can be a breeze, or it can be difficult. Some people fall in love with it immediately, while others (myself included) begrudging truck on at times. I agree with the advice to try and get past the first few weeks and things will get better. Also, having an understanding friend when I was nursing my third was indispensable. She encourage me when i thought I could not go on and wanted to run away screaming. She reminded me that I was a good mother and doing the right thing for my baby.
Good luck fellow mamas! Motherhood truly is a loving act of service!
Thank you for the honest post. You didn’t sugar-coat, nor did you discourage. There will be plenty of moms out there who will benefit from this.
I nursed our first son for two years. He weaned himself a couple weeks before his baby brother was born. He preferred one side, and weaned off one first. That one turned to colostrum so it was like I had two taps: milk and milk lite.
My greatest challenge was not with strangers, but with relatives. I got quite adamant that in our own home I was not going to be sent to another room to feed the grandson. I was not going to throw a blanket on his head, either. When visiting my inlaws when our youngest son was just a couple of months old, it was a different story. I’d spend hours sitting on the floor of their spare room with baby on a boppy. After our second son came along, I did not wait to be told where to nurse, but sure did not suggest making the eight-hour trip to their home very often. Wanna see the kid? He’s gotta eat, you know…
Our younger son turned two last week and only nurses a little at night. In a way I feel sad that he is weaning, but I am also proud that he is deciding this on his own. (Is this how it feels to send a kid off to college?)
Laura
I was unable to breast feed my first. Due to some complications at birth, I didn’t get to see him for the first 5 1/2 hrs of his life. And once I got him, the nurses succeeded in making me feel completely inept at both breast feeding and bottle feeding. I actually had one take him away from me to feed him his bottle because I was doing it wrong. Couple that with a MIL who wanted to feed him so she could bond with him (as a new mom, I had no idea that this was abnormal), I never was able to successfully latch him and my milk dried up within 2 weeks. I am now pregnant with my 2nd child and I will be breast feeding this one. I am aware that it will not be easy, thanks in part to articles like this one. But I also know that I have to stand up for myself and my child to make sure that I have support (or at least don’t have unsupportive people around me) in the beginning.
What is the obsession with wanting to feed a baby? I pumped for my MIL so she could give the kid a bottle, and it shut her up for a while.
I am so sorry the nursing staff were so unsupportive. Those first few hours can be so critical. Did the nurses tell you that a baby needs few calories the first couple of days? Probably not. If your milk doesn’t come in right away nobody gets hurt. Colostrum has few calories.
There are little caps on etsy and ebay with “no bottles” printed on them. They are cute, and you can pack one for your trip to the hospital.
Thank you Laura, I will have to look for those caps 🙂 It would be very helpful to have a visual reminder like that.