Breastfeeding Expectations Plus My Story of Nursing 6 Babies
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Exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months is generally recommended. Today I share my story with breastfeeding as well as what a new mom might expect.
This post was originally posted on May 1, 2012. The comments are so rich with experiences from a wonderful group of ladies who were kind enough to share their stories, I thought it would be good to bump this to the top.
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I breastfed all six kids. Exclusively. For the first six months.
I don’t say that to brag. I know many, many women who for a variety of reasons are unable to make breastfeeding work for them and their families. And I totally respect that.
The key principle is that your baby is well fed. Methods may differ.
Rather, I share my story because I want to give hope to new moms out there.
I know that I am probably in a minority in how I fed my babies. Recently, I read some statistics that showed me what a small population out there does six months exclusive breastfeeding. Recommended, but not often done.
I didn’t set out to do it any “special” way. I was not/am not a militant “breast is best” proponent. I never attended a La Leche League meeting. I only got halfway through the big breastfeeding handbooks, and then I felt like I was doing it all wrong.
But, I was the milk wagon for my babies. And I lived to tell the tale.
For the first six months of their lives, I continued to “eat for two” and be their main, no, their only source of sustenance.
Folks warned us with our first baby that if we didn’t give him a bottle in the first six weeks that he would never take one. The implication was that our lives would be ruined. Forever.
Honestly, it was so difficult and painful in those first few weeks of nursing, there was no way I was going to jeopardize his latch or my milk supply (so hard earned by that point) so that maybe, someday, we might leave him home with a babysitter for longer than two hours.
The first one never got a bottle. Neither did the others. At six months of age, they started some solids and started to learn about sippy cups with water. They nursed until they were a year old.
This isn’t the “right” way. This is just the way we did it.
Granted, I was a homebody. And I had chosen to be a stay-at-home mom. My expectations were simply that I would breastfeed my baby. So I did.
Did I go away for the weekend with my girl friends? No, but I never did that before he was born, either. Did I feel annoyed that he wanted to nurse every two to three hours? No, my type-A self needed someone to make me sit and rest before I overdid it. Did I spend lots of money on nursing clothes? No, tshirts and jeans have been my uniform for years.
Breastfeeding felt natural. At least, thank the Lord, after those first three weeks. Once you get through the “bite-your-lip-and-suffer-through-the-pain” stage. Yeah, I know, it’s not supposed to be painful. But, it was for a time. Just saying.
So, if you’re a new or expecting mom interested in breastfeeding your baby, here are some things to consider:
1. It probably won’t be easy.
Few good things in life are “easy,” especially those things that you are just learning. Be prepared for challenges and setbacks.
This applies to breastfeeding, but yes, it basically applies to your entire parenting career, too. Just when you think you’ve got it figured out, your baby will have a growth spurt, cut a tooth, get sick, or learn to drive.
Be ready to be challenged.
2. Your life won’t be your own.
Since I chose exclusive breastfeeding, mostly on demand, and opted out of bottle feeding, my time was not my own. Neither was my diet. I knew that if I went someplace without the baby, I would need to be back within the three hour window. With practice and planning, I was still able to get out and do things, but I was mindful that someone else depended on me.
And that I might get a call on my cell phone that was simply the sound of the baby crying.
I took daily vitamins, ate a balanced diet, avoided much, if any, drinking, and basically took that “eating for two” thing pretty seriously. As such, I probably took better care of myself than I had before children and in some seasons since breastfeeding has ceased.
That said, the fact that someone else depended on me was good for me. And taking care of my physical health, well, that was a pretty good thing, too.
And your life? Well, as a mom, you have a new life, shared with the people you love. It won’t be your “own”, but it will be good.
3. It really isn’t as long as it seems.
It’s so easy to count the days away, waiting for the baby to wean, start solids, sleep through the night. In the middle of it, it does seem like it will go on forever. But, it won’t.
That baby there will be eight years old next month. I still wear those pants. See? My Old Navy yoga pants have outlasted three babies breastfeeding. The time goes quickly!
The last nursing session will pass and you may or may not even realize that it’s the last. Last things are like that. They flee silently and quickly. And far sooner than you thought you were ready for them.
Life is like that.
4. It’s totally worth it.
Breastfeeding certainly wasn’t easy. I’ve had my share of late nights, mastitis, engorgement, blisters, and what-have-you. I probably cried and complained more than I remember. My life wasn’t my “own”, but despite the demands and the crying baby phone calls, it was good.
I had a closeness with my babies, an understanding of their needs, and a super power — that my husband did not possess — to comfort them when they needed me. It was very right for me to breastfeed, especially in keeping me connected with my kids and not off doing “projects” as I might have been drawn to, instead.
The days have passed all too quickly. I had a nursing baby for a good 12 to 13 years of my life. Yet, my baby-Baby is on her way to 4 years old. That last nursing session is long gone — and I do not remember it.
While I don’t believe I won any brownie points for breastfeeding, and I’m not sure that my kids’ more-or-less good health is attributed to nursing, I know that I do not regret it. Going without bottles or formula didn’t ruin us. I have wonderful memories of my breastfeeding daze. Amnesia? Perhaps. But, I know I would do it all over again.
And if it’s something you want, barring medical issues, I think you can do it, too.
Obviously, if you are away from your baby for the day due to work or school, then you’ll want to do that bottle thing, but don’t think it’s too hard to breastfeed exclusively. It really is doable!
It’s hard and it’s good at the same time.
That’s the mystery of motherhood.
If you’re a veteran mom, we would love to hear your breastfeeding story. I know that there are many situations where moms wish it had been different or better and many moms for whom breastfeeding did not work, despite their best intentions. I really want this post to be an encouragement to new moms. So, please temper any challenges you might want to share with a heavy dose of encouragement and optimism. Any bashing or absolute horror stories are subject to deletion. Thanks for understanding.
This is why I read your blog. Even though you don’t currently have a nursling, you are passing your wisdom along to the rest of us. Lots of days I feel like I need “help” with this mothering thing. Thanks for providing that help. 🙂
Though it does make me wonder, especially with some of your other recent posts, are you going to have another nursling anytime soon? 😉
Ha! No, I don’t think so. I believe the six pack is complete. Just passing on my two cents before I get too old to remember it.
Thanks for your kind words. 😉
I had to work full-time so I pumped, but my first had only breast milk for around 8 months– he was slow to want solid food.
I have PCOS and I LOVED nursing because while I was nursing I didn’t have *any* PCOS symptoms. It was like I was cured. If I could have found another baby to nurse after DC was done, I would have.
http://www.kellymom.com is an amazing resource for troubleshooting and just knowing what to expect.
No one told me about shields, creams, or that it was supposed to hurt. All I ever read was that it was supposed to be this easy, wonderful, painless experience. Well, my son wanted to nurse about 18 hours a day, and by the time I left the hospital, my nipples were bleeding and I was done. I also had a 4-year-old and a special-needs 19-month-old to take care of, and my husband was working nights. I guess I figured it qas one less struggle I needed in my life at that point. 🙂 That said, I still missed that special bonding time we had in the hospital.
I think the most important thing for new moms to know about breast feeding is to do what feels right TO THEM and what is right for THEIR baby. Any number of issues could arise that could change the plan they set out for themselves and breast feeding their baby. There is no wrong answer when your babies health is at stake. I would also say not to have really high expectations, it will be hard. It will be worth it if it all works out though. I nursed for a while and bottle fed too. All are still alive and healthy!
Thanks for sharing such an honest post. I felt like a total failure when my daughter was born and nursing was hard because everything I’d heard suggested otherwise. Nursing was natural. It was easy. It was painless. Heck, it was a “womanly art.” But it sucked! I’ll spare you the gory details but suffice to say a case of mastitis went terribly awry and I wound up in the hospital for five days and have a massive scar on my breast to show for it.
But there’s hope! With my son, I was determined to try again (although this time everyone was pushing me the other way) and we nursed successfully for eight months, six of them exclusive. It was amazing.
I can soo relate. See my post below. haha
Great post!
The first few weeks with Baby #1 were tough – I had to use a shield for a while and had massive oversupply. I worried I’d never be able to nurse without the shield. One day I couldn’t find it and the baby was crying, so we just tried it without the shield. Lo and behold, it worked! We never looked back and he nursed for 11 months (6 of them exclusively!)
Baby #2 was easy from the start. I nursed him 12 months (exclusively for 6 months). A dear friend of mine adopted a newborn son with some medical issues shortly after my Baby #2 was born. So she put out an SOS call to her breastfeeding friends asking for milk. I had the privilege of pumping enough to feed that precious baby for a few months (in addition to keeping up with my own child’s needs). It’s amazing what the body can do! I increased my supply by 20 ounces a day – and with God’s help and a lot of extra eating/drinking it was possible!
Once Baby #3 came along, it was smooth and easy, and he nursed for 12 months too. I remember sitting in my favorite chair one night feeding him thinking “this is the probably the last time” and it was. Like you said, it goes by so fast, but is so worth it!
I nursed our daughter exclusively for six months and weaned her when she was 13 months. It was hard but it was wonderful. We endured severely inverted nipples and a massive oversupply but the return was massive. And it gets so much easier after the first few weeks!
Just to add for those who are new to this and struggling with oversupply or overactive letdown: nursing one-side-only for a while can calm that down without needing the sheilds. *CAN* – not a must, just a tip! Sheilds work well for some but the lack of ‘gear’ required for EBFing is part of its charm to me 🙂
I breastfed both of my sons for much longer than socially acceptable 😉 Boy #1 tandem nursed with Boy #2 and then we agreed on a birthdate when he would stop. Boy #2 recently self-weaned. Neither boy tried solids until well after 6 months and never had a bottle – so your story is encouraging.
We battled many issues… thrush, mastitis, horrifying pain in the beginning, but as the months went on it was just easy, easy, easy.
I also had to do radical elimination diets with both to figure out their food allergies (the proteins I ate were passing through the milk; wheat for boy #1, corn & soy for boy #2). Once I did the elimination diet, I had to eliminate those foods (even trace amounts) until the boys outgrew the allergies (at about a year).
I would have never made it past the early days without a steel will and sheer determination. I always say that mamas who do it deserve a gold star! 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story and your call for encouragement.
“…my type-A self needed someone to make me sit and rest before I overdid it.” This is exactly me! It was one of those things I didn’t realize I needed… Someone to make me sit and relax.
For #1 I was nervous about having to go back to work after 8 weeks on maternity leave. I, too, had been frightened by others about the bottle-rejection thing, so I tried giving him the bottle. Silly move! He got nipple confusion. While he would take a bottle, I spent 3 months trying to nurse again. If I didn’t have encouragement from my mom (nursed all 4 of us), I don’t know if I would have been able to nurse him until 15 months. It was hard at times, and I didn’t leave much when I was off work.
For #2, I was determined NOT to have the bottle problem. I was able to stay home full- time, so I thought that would make it a breeze. Well, my milk dried up at 2 weeks. When the pediatrician said I should supplement with a bottle, I broke down crying right there in the office. It was then I found out that our pediatrician’s office has a lactation consultant on staff. A miracle!! Little did I know he was not really latching properly. Even after nursing #1, I still hd SO much to learn. She gave am a solution to bottle feeding (a small tube I could attach to me that would put formula into his mouth and still give me the stimulation I needed to get my supply back). Her solution, along with an herbal supplement, brought my supply and confidence back after just 1.5 weeks. It was a special time for #2 and me. I had to slow down even more (not always easy with a busy two- yr old underfoot), and we made it to 16 months. He did take a bottle from Dad or grandparents on a few occasions. I found that the Breast Flow bottles worked best for him, as it mimicked the letdown from breastfeeeing.
After overcoming so much, I was much more comfortable breastfeeeing in public. Hubby was not, though. As he was sharing this concern to me, we were in a play area at a mall with our 2 yr old. And I was nursing #2. He didn’t even notice that I was nursing. LOL!! After I told him that I was nursing, he never made another comment and never had a problem with me nursing in public again.
Breastfeeeing for me was a big growing up time for me. I don’t say that to say I’m special. Instead, it’s what I needed to learn how to put my baby’s needs first. Like your story, I learned how to take better care of myself: eating enough good food and drinking TONS of water. With #3 on the way, I know we will meet a new set of challenges and that it won’t be easy for the first several weeks.
I just want to give my experience for those who can’t or those you don’t want to breastfeed. My first child would not latch on and I really wasn’t interested in breastfeeding him. My second child was born at 35 weeks and in the NICU for 10 days. I knew for her she needed my breastmilk to “protect” her. So I pumped and pumped and pumped for her first month. I litterly was a human cow and producing enough breastmilk to feed the entire NICU by my 5th day of pumping.
Before she was born I took a breastfeeding class and was so excited about trying. Well when she was finally able to try to latch I was producing way too much milk that she would choke because my milk even with a shield came out way too fast for my premie. By week 3 of her life, my OB said I was producing enough milk for a 1 year old and that I was so engored still at that time. He said it was up to me whether or not to stop pumping but he advised it because I was miserable and stressed about it. Pumping every 3 hours, sometimes before that because I was in so much pain and feeding my daughter the bottle was so hard. So I stopped pumping. Luckily with all the milk I produced and froze she was exclusively on my breastmilk until 2 months. For the antibodies it was awesome for her but she really wasnt’ gaining wait. I think my milk was skim.
My point is even though both my kids were bottle fed, I share the biggest bond with both of them and my husband was able to share in that bond by helping feed them. Don’t be discouraged if you can’t breastfeed or just want to bottle feed. The most important thing is the love and nurture you give your child.
Stephanie, Thank you for your comment. Yours was the first to address the issue of your baby not gaining weight. My daughter weighed 6lbs. 15oz. at birth. I was prepared to breastfeed exclusively, but, as an older mom, I was prepared to do what was best for my daughter. While in the hospital , I had the help of a lactaid consultant (who also was available by phone after discharge). Because of breastfeeding, our pediatrician wanted to see our daughter the day after discharge and then every two-three days after that. After feeding, my breasts felt drained, but, with each doctors visit, my daughter’s weight dropped and dropped. It was extremely difficult. I felt as if I was doing what was supposed to be best for my baby but at the same time, it appeared that it was not the best thing for her. Finally, her weight reached a point that we made the decision to pump exclusively and bottle feed her breast milk. We rented a hospital grade pump from our local hospital and I was able to pump enough milk for her to have until she was 10 months. (hospital grade pump was much better than any you can buy.) The one thing that most articles don’t discuss is the difficulty of breastfeeding and the fact that it does not always come naturally. The problems and issues that could occur are rarely mentioned in detail.
In reading posts, you see the words “unfortunately”, “sadly”, “failure”. Why is it “unfortunate” that someone could only breastfeed for 3 months? Because a massive amount of pressure if put on moms to breastfeed and breastfeed exclusively. Most people fail to emphasize what Stephanie said above. The most important thing is to love and nurture your child. The emphasis shouldn’t be on whether you breastfeed exclusively, give breast milk in a bottle, or chose to not breast feed at all. There are too many moms who define the beautiful experience of motherhood by whether they were able to breastfeed or not. Do what is right for you and your baby.