Marriage & Simply Being Together
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I am no expert on marriage. But, thankfully, I’ve spent the last 16 years married to Mr. Right-for-Me. It hasn’t been all fun and games. There have been rough times. We’ve been hacking a life together in the jungle.
But, whoever wrote those traditional marriage vows knew what he was saying: for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health. Indeed, it’s reassuring to know that someone’s got your back when times are tough — as well as when times are good.
Looking back over the years, I know that many of the hard times were the ones that strengthened our marriage. I know this is a gift. Not every marriage fares as well. I am mindful of that and very thankful.
And I continue to learn new things about my husband, each and every day.
Being Together
One important thing I’ve realized over time is that simply being together is vital to our marriage, to our friendship, to our sense of intimacy with one another. If we go too long without really talking and connecting with one another, there isn’t the sense of unity that we enjoy so much.
The days go by all too quickly and when I’m busy being chef, chauffeur, nanny, and housekeeper, it’s all too easy to let time with my main squeeze fall by the wayside. Date nights are great, but every day interactions can often count more than a night out on the town.
Here are some things that help me love my husband. They may — or may not — work for you. But, either way, I hope they’ll help you think about what does.
1. Start the day right.
I try to get up when my husband does. Not because he expects it; he most certainly does not. But, since I’m generally an early bird anyway, I try to stir from my cocoon in time to see him out the door. This helps us touch bases in the morning. Since I know he has a lot on his mind, heading into work, I try not to bombard him with too many nagging items. (I save those for emails. Ha!)
As he goes out into the big world each morning, I want us both to remember that we’re in this together and that I’m on his side.
2. Greet one another warmly.
When FishPapa comes home in the afternoon, I try to pause what I’m doing in order to welcome him home. If I were gone all day, I would enjoy the same thing in return.
He might go play with the kids or I might go back to whatever I was doing, but we’ve taken a few moments to reconnect.
3. Review the day.
A little “happy hour” snack or drink to share gives us both a chance to unwind and catch up on what’s been going on. It’s a wonderful transition from day to evening.
I’m finding that it’s also helpful if I start on whatever household chore I’ve been postponing all day. I have companionship while I work, making the task seem less of a chore, and he gets a chance to tell me what’s been going on or to catch up on what he’s missed while he was away.
4. Enjoy common — and not so common — pursuits.
I love sappy romances; hubs enjoys adventure. I was worried one day that our disparate tastes were really out there — until we watched the first installment of Sherlock. I was reminded of our common ground: mystery movies.
He doesn’t love Remington Steele like I do, but we’ve really enjoyed other mystery stories, including Wallander, Lord Peter, and the aforementioned Sherlock. Finding that common ground provides entertainment for us both.
And sometimes we just tolerate the other’s interests in order to be together.
If there’s baseball, football, hockey, golf, or NASCAR on TV, chances are good that hubs wants to watch it. While I could certainly live without all of the above, I’m learning to enjoy them with him. We chat during the game or race; I ask dumb questions or make snarky comments about the commercials, and we’re still together, even though we’re not doing my most favorite thing.
Likewise, hubs accompanies me to Target or watches that sappy movie with me.
5. Go to bed at the same time.
Now for obvious reasons, this is a good thing. (Just saying.)
But, I know that it’s also more companionable to turn in at the same time. We get another chance to reconnect, we discuss plans for the next day, we dream big dreams as the day ends.
These are NOT hard and fast “tricks to a happy marriage.” In no way would I prescribe a one-size-fits-all experience. But, these are ways that help me feel connected and in-tune with what’s going on with my husband. And maybe they might work for you, too.
How do you enrich your time spent with hubs?
In the weeks leading up to Father’s Day, I’m collaborating with a great group of bloggers to share ideas on how to “honor the man they call daddy.”
This week we’re sharing our different approaches to loving our husbands in how we spend time together.
Be sure to hop around and be inspired:
Thanks for the reminder. My husband and I both work from home so there are days we act like roommates. I need to be more intentional about making him feel special.
This was a very timely post for me, as today is my 8th anniversary! Many of the things you suggested I hadn’t even thought of – getting up when he gets up, even if I don’t have to?! – and others I often let slip – yes, I suppose I SHOULD stop checking my email to greet him when he gets home! 😉 Thanks for reminding me of the little things I can do to keep my relationship with my husband strong!
All of the above are truly so important! My husband just got back after being gone for over a week. I was lost without him. I need to make sure he knows I appreciate him daily!
Thank you so much for sharing! I found this very inspiring 🙂
My husband and I have some of the same rituals, but I would like to add a couple you mentioned. I like the idea of getting up with him, and catching up over “happy hour”. I am going to start trying both of these. We have two little ones for now, and I know that our lives will only get crazier as we add more children and as they grow up and get busy.
Thanks again for being so inspiring!
What a great post, Jessica! My husband and I are both big “quality time” fans, so I really resonated with this.
Especially love “happy hour” and going to bed at the same time!
I had to chuckle at your comment about watching sports with your hubby. I feel exactly the same way! I’ve found that if I have something to keep my hands busy while I sit on the couch with him, it’s much easier to enjoy watching a game or race. I can keep one eye on the TV, but still feel like I’m doing something I enjoy–knitting, crocheting, reading a book, or even catching up on emails. Thanks for the great tips!
Thanks for reminding me. Lately I’ve been feeling that we have fallen into a rut and ,while we still love each other, the spark isn’t always there. Now I realise that perhaps the problem is that we dont’ spend the time together that we used to. I often go to bed after he does, I don’t watch his favourite programs with him and if I’m watching anything sappy he’ll go find something else to do. Perhaps if I change one thing the spark will return. We love each other dearly but it just seems like life has gotten in the way!
Great ideas – we try and do all of these too. One thing that seems to make a difference for us when he comes home is how the house looks… granted, the place isn’t going to be sparkling and everything put in it’s place all the time (we have a one-year-old!), but something as simple as having the dishes done and counters cleared when he gets home really can set the tone for our evening together.
You are so right about the “uncommon” pursuits! My husband is a science fiction buff. I had no desire to watch anything sci-fi when we got married 7 years ago. Likewise, he did not understand my sewing obsession. Over the years, we started tolerating one another’s interests in an effort to have more time together. In creating that tolerance, we have both developed an interest in one another’s pursuits. I can now watch an episode of Star Trek and completely understand why it is that Star Fleet is having trouble with the Klingons. Hubby will try to help me match fabric while we’re in the fabric store and will peruse the pattern books for things he thinks I might like. Even though one another’s activities would not be our individual first choices, we’ve learned to appreciate and respect our differences and why they make us who we, as a couple, are.
Great list and great reminder and great encouragement to the newly marrieds.
We just celebrated 21 years. We also now have a senior in high school and a sophomore. We have put plenty of time into our marriage, and as sad as we are to be coming to the end of a chapter in our lives, we know that we will be fine when the kids are gone.
One thing I would add to the list is not just date nights, but vacations for 2. I know it is sometimes hard to get away, but make it happen, even if for a night.