Loving Motherhood in an “I’m Bored Society”
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Our very modern world is full of all sorts of gadgets and distractions. Children of the television age, we can become programmed for needing something new and flashy every 60 seconds or so. And every mom has heard the whining refrain, “I’m bored.” And yet, as a mom, a few months ago, I found myself thinking the same thing.
Yet, how could I be bored when there’s so much to do? Upon further discussion with my sweet husband, we determined that it wasn’t boredom that plagued me.
No, I simply felt unmotivated.
Unmotivated to do the hard work.
Unmotivated to cook and clean day in and day out.
Unmotivated to push through.
Motherhood is a challenging profession. The rewards are great — but they are often sporadic or delated. And the “job” of motherhood is more than a relationship between mother and child. There are peripheral tasks involved.
Let’s face it. Unless you’ve got a nanny, a housekeeper, a chauffeur, and a chef, it’s hard to manage a home and family–and still keep a smile on your face. It’s hard to tackle the tasks involved. And sometimes those peripheral tasks can weigh us down.
It’s hard work, plain and simple. And sometimes, to use a Jane Austen phrase, I need to exert myself. I need to make the conscious decision to do what’s best for my family even if it’s uncomfortable. Experience has taught me that in the long run, that is also what’s best for me.
Consider the following scenarios:
— The kitchen’s a wreck. The kids are finally in bed. I can hit the hay or I can take 10 minutes to finish loading the dishes in the dishwasher and wipe the counters. Those little moments will help me start the new day with a clean slate.
— Cabin fever’s got me down. Why not pack a picnic and herd the kids to the car? An outing may take work, but a breath of fresh air and change of scenery — both literally and figuratively — will be good for all of us.
— The kids are at Gramma’s and I just have to run all those errands. Or do I? If I reexamine my list, I might find that quite a few aren’t absolutely necessary. In fact, a stop at a coffee shop by myself to read my Bible, to journal, to take a few minutes and refresh may be the perfect way to spend those moments out. Both me and my family will reap the rewards of a restful mom.
“Exerting yourself” may look different, depending on your personality and season of life. But, I would hazard a guess that you, too, face similar circumstances.
How can you bust out and push yourself to do the hard thing that will bless you and your family?
Consider these questions or ask your husband or a friend for perspective:
- What are your strengths?
- Where are you “overdoing” and need to rest?
- What areas are you ignoring and maybe need to give more attention?
It may be helpful to examine your priorities on paper. About once a month I revisit this worksheet which helps me think through these questions:
How do I want to grow? What are “the big rocks” in my life and how can I make sure they fit? How can I grow in loving my husband and children? What can I do to be a better wife and mother? To be a more peaceful woman?
Recording some goals in these areas helps me solidify my thinking and gives me a benchmark to refer back to.
There will always be dishes to wash and laundry to fold. But, embracing today, making good choices for me and my family, and refusing to be bored or unmotivated are important steps I can take in loving my husband, my children, and my life as mom.
Thanks so much for this post today! We found out this week we are pregnant with our 4th baby in 3.5 years and I’m feeling overwhelmed, unmotivated, etc. I needed this. I’m guilty of comparing myself to other mothers that seem to have it all together, and sometimes even feeling a tad bit jealous. Society isn’t as welcome to “just being a Mom” as it used to be, and I feel those pressures on me also. Thankfully, I have a very supportive husband that likes to go against the flow, making it that much easier for me.
Thanks for the words on being uncomfortable as well. Sometimes the laundry, diapers, and meals aren’t comfortable, leaving me feeling like I don’t want to do any of the above, but, you’re right, it’s what’s best for my family.
Thank you for the reminder that I really do love motherhood, even with the obstacles and juggling!
Congrats on your new baby! We had the first 4 pretty close together, too. Keep in mind – sometimes the best thing for your family is to sit on the couch! Especially in “your condition.” 😉 Sounds like you have a fantastic husband, get his input and don’t overdo! Blessings to you!
I so needed this post today! I started writing a list of personal goals for myself last night and this post put those goals in perspective. Thanks so much!
Thank you for this inspiring post. One family rule I started was not to let anyone say “I’m bored”. It’s worked so well as it challenges the kids (and me) to address what they’re feeling and fix it.
Another thing I do to stay motivated is to be part of a MOMS Club which is a non-profit support group for at-home mothers. We vote on monthly activities and everything we do is during the day and includes our kids. It’s nice to connect with other mothers while the kids play, then feel refreshed enough to go home and finish up your tasks.
I’ve also started hosting a Thursday afternoon with the girls. It’s started by chance but I have an “open house” policy on Thursdays now & anyone is free to drop by and I’ll always have lunch & treats ready… great for trying my new recipes 🙂
Thank you for this! I needed it more than you could know.
Thanks for this great post. I really needed to hear/read that this week. I’m going to print this out and post on my fridge as an everyday reminder!
Motivation. Procrastination and perfectionism always shoot motivation in the foot at my house. I run in spurts and I’m always beating myself up about it.
Housework would be where I need to exert myself. Definitely.
Well, we’re off to the zoo!
@Southern Gal, I hear ya, but I still love it that you’re off to the zoo. Experiences with your kids trump cleaning toilets every time. Unless of course, the health department is going to call….
I echo the comments of Flo. A perfectly timed post (for me at least) and I’m sure no coincidence! Thank you for your considered and honest thoughts. Your transparency is refreshing because sometimes I feel as though everyone else has the appearance of having it together when in fact they don’t.. even in church circles. Why is that?
Thank you for your challenge, perspective and grace.
@Julie Craig, I remember once someone telling me I was comparing my insides with someone else’s outsides. That really helped me. If I am really going to compare, I have to know how the other one really feels and how she really struggles. And usually (if she’s honest) we’re not all that different.
@Jessica Fisher, To add to that, I heard a statement that really helped me in comparing myself to others: You are comparing your worst to their best. We often see other moms out in public, at church, Bible study, etc. looking fresh and happy, hair done and make-up applied, children all dressed nicely– not at their weak, exhausted, messy worst at home! No one is at their best all the time, and we should not expect that of ourselves either.
Good message!
I’ve been thinking/praying about what the church fathers called “Otium Sanctum” Holy Leisure. Peacefully walking through the day with the Holy Spirit to give us the balance of work and rest. I don’t even know what it all entails. But I know I need to keep plowing ahead while walking restfully at the same time.
(I mentioned this to my husband though and he said that it was written by men whose wives were taking care of all the details in their lives. What a cynic. :))
If it is possible to push for peace, I’m going for it.
This is a great post and SO good for me to read! I actually live in a town where having a nanny and housekeeper is par for the course- lawn boy, too. 😉 I really don’t get (or take, perhaps) any “Mom time” and I wouldn’t even say that that bothers me at this season. My youngest is 10 months and I can’t handle being away from her any better than she handles being away from me. I do find myself feeling self-pitying and overwhelmed sometimes though as I’m surrounded my mommies who, at least seem, to have time to shop and explore and go out to eat, etc, in abundance. Sometimes my life seems boring by comparison… I wouldn’t trade it mind you, but sometimes it seems boring. It’s good to take a step back and reevaluate.
@JessieLeigh, you bring up an excellent point. One which I think I will add to the post, with your permission. 😉
Where does comparison with other moms hinder me and get in my way?
@Jessica Fisher, You, of course, have my permission to use anything I say (at least in a comment), whenever. 😉
oh thank YOU for that post! I just needed to read it right now, when being a working mom of 3 (extraordinary little girls, but…), a wife (of a fantastic man, but…), owner of an aging (fantastic) dog that has just been needing extra care and attention and is now on medication every day etc etc is absolutely the life I’ve always wanted BUT exhausting and sometimes just plain… hard.
THANK YOU, you’ve helped me by expressing how normal being tired and demotivated sometimes is AND by proposing easy but efficient ways to get back on the road, to keep in mind how true it is that “a little stitch in time saves nine”.
Have an excellent day 🙂